Thank you for that amazing post! You are an amazing man/woman.

I get exactly what you mean by forgiveness, for myself first from God, then giving it to others. And when we already have it from God because we made our amends and there's nothing more we can do, it's time to let go. I like what you said about accepting the gentle sides of ourselves. Saying that gets blurred even more in the codependent disease valiates what I thought and what i experience. 

I love what you rwote. Everything About cigarettes making you scared and angry. How you quit is what I have planned, filling time with good things and being real good to my body. Lots more gentleness too.

I also just now happened to read Hope for Today from yesterday, which I had missed. It was perfect! Funny how that happens.

God bless you.

tortuga wrote:

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Dear WorkingThroughIT, i am thankful you are sharing on this, it is an always coming back issue for me.

if you don't mind let me share with you how I got so far in my findings through experience and experimenting...

the courage to be ourselves is a good step...some days hard, some days very easy, depending on our energy and strength I guess. It is ACCEPTING who we are, AS we are, that takes a lot more effort even, not only the catastrophic sides (which tend to take up far too much space in our destructive views) but also the gentle sides ( that get blurred even more in the codependent disease)...i found out lately. And I am also working hard on FORGIVING myself.

with forgiving it is the same as with loving, i discover. If I can forgive myself for mistakes I have done, am doing and will do, I will also be able to forgive others too for bullying me or hurting me, past and future.....and then the negative things will loose their grip on us naturally. So please, lets forgive ourselves first...we are not perfect but we are  human, and we are doing the best we can with what we currently have. we are here, we are trying, we are in this step...

if I can love myself, i can love others, for that love will be the only one I can truly and strongly step up for, because it is coming from the inside, it is MYSELF.) so please, lets love ourselves a little bit more than 'usaual', because our 'usual' has proved to not be kind enough. We shift, for some little time, the amount and energy of love we assume giving to others, and give it to ourselves...just learning...it isn't selfish...it will all go back to the others out there as soon as we are done constructing our beautiful Self.

This my sound all a bit religiously or romantically dramatic... i wish I could make a drawing instead, that would be funnier.

start with you...the others will follow, when the time is right. You don't have to please them now, nor convince them. What they think of you is their business.

We have to let go of this constant urge to control and please. and we have the right to pause also.

I you don't want to give up smoking today, that's fine. I you want to, then you'll give up, and that's fine too. Find out what does do you good, and what doesn't...for yourself, without listening to others, only listening to YOU. you know best about you. as with many addictions, so you also realize with smoking that, even knowing it is harmful, for some reason you just continue...it's a habit. It's not a curse somebody threw on us. We are responsible for every cigarette we take. Just take that responsability. I found one day, that all these addictions around my life made me really scared and angry, so that's where i started. I took that forceful energy of anger and fear and I quit. overnight. First step of self love, doing good to my body, caring for it like I would for a baby. and chew a bit more chewing gum. and go for walks...  filling the holes of the past habit with new behaviours. 

I experience often that Trust is not with me. But I learn...and i try to do the best I can , today. my mistakes, well yes...they happen and will continue to happen, for I try out lots of new things. I look at them, i try to see why I did them, then I forgive myself, take the awareness of them with me for the next situation, and leave the shame or anger about them behind. And I am really trying to look at past mistakes, and not doing them again.

Mistakes are opportunities to learn also, my point of view today.

I wish you courage to be yourself, and be here and share with us.

thank you for this post (((HUGS)))

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It sounds like you work a great program. My sponsor told me I can work the steps with her anytime I need to and that has helped me get through some big things. Sending you love and support!

Hey whoever the gossipers are that it their sin not yours.

I don't quite get what you wrote, but shame on them!

Several times I have blow it and said, hey I make mistakes and I clean them up! If someone else makes a mistake, I say hey not like I have not ever goofed!

Or even say hey don't sweat the small stuff. We are here to please our HP not anyone else. Least i am.

When I loved me enough to accept me as is, I mellowed out, became serene in my foundation, I also am not critical of of others, not ever.

I see how my aunt is so critical and I choose not to be like that.

Anyway hugs! To Thine Own Self be True!!! debilyn

People pleasing was the death of me.  When I found out recently that someone who I had thought was my friend had gossiped about me I was really upset.  Obviously I had not seen them as who they were.  People are not perfect.  I thought if I could take care of everyone else they would give a little to me.  I settled for such crumbs.

These days my first priority is myself.  I slip up all the time.  I go down roads that are not good to go down and then find some nugget of recovery in them.

Forgiving myself was the hardest thing.  I was relentless on myself.  Some of the issue for me was expectations.  I put all my self esteem out there and found it very difficult when someone trampled on it.  Nowadays my self esteem is my priority.  These days I love myself no matter what.  I didn't get there overnight.

I think people pleasing has been one of the hardest things for me to unearth, discover, test out and work on.  For a time I had to work on not giving to others at all in order to stop the compulsivity of it.

Maresie.