i wanna SCREAM at my son. (poor 13yo granddaughter with sick father) - Al-Anon Family Group

debhud · Veteran Member

i wanna SCREAM at my son. (poor 13yo granddaughter with sick father)

Path to Serenity · Senior Member

I feel so bad for your G'daughter. I too was made fun of by my peers because my dad was the town drunk - the jokes were geared toward my Dad but of course, I took it personally - my self-esteem took a huge hit - it left scars that I carry to this day. Is there any way she can get access to an online ala-teen program?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Tough call deb. You are his mother, her grandmoter, and an essential part of the family. Your opinions matter. If you state anything to your son, it might be considered doing it for you. You don't have to just accept and swallow up the feeling that this is so wrong. Whether or not he changes or responds to hearing it....you are powerless over, but it's not necessarily wrong to state what is true and you don't need to watch child neglect happening and say nothing. It's not in your power to fix it...I know you recognize this. Like I said, there is a possibility that advocating for your granddaughter will teach her she has a voice and can say "you shouldn't treat me like this" and that is something she needs to learn how to say to men right?

It's confusing but I don't think your instincts regarding saying something are totally off.

AStrongerMe · ~*Service Worker*~

An idea for you. I believe you are able to get grandparent custody visits. I do not know the process but it would be your time. In that, you could take her to an al anon meeting. No court would refuse you that given the circumstances. It's something you may want to utilize one free consult with a lawyer to learn about.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Debbie)))

I am so sorry to read of how this dreadful disease is causing more pain. On Line alateen meetings might help.

Abby has posted a" Sticky "at the top of this Board regarding this.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

debhud · Veteran Member

thanks for replies. there is no problem with my granddaughter spending time with me. we actually are quite close. because of this divorce, my son has asked me not to talk to his ex. we uses to be very very close but i haven't spoken with her in 8 months out of respect for my son. (sticky situation. although son was active in his disease for 15 years while married, she left him and ended up getting involved with his best friend!) i don't know how much her mom (or dad) have told her about alcoholism. and i'm not sure where my part in the "education" is. i want to be available for her to talk to. she really spilled her guts to me yesterday. she is a daddys little girl but i think it has gotten too much for her. i asked her if she has anyone to talk to about stuff that is going on and she says just a couple of friends. kids are so smart. i will send her link for alateen. thanks again everyone.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Remember that you don't have to stop speaking to your granddaughter's mother just because your son has tried to make that happen. Divorcing people often try to get everyone around them to take sides. She may have made some bad decisions, but she is still your granddaughter's mother, and it's not as if he is not making bad decisions too. I hope that whatever you decide ultimately, you will look at what's appropriate for you yourself, and for your granddaughter, rather than what the sick person demands.

Path to Serenity · Senior Member

The relationship between my son and his Ex is beyond strained but my husband & I do keep in touch(not lovey-dovey but civil) with her for the sake of the kids.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

such a hard situation I agree.

However remember the A is very sick. They are basically brain damaged as they are using and sometimes forever.

Keeping this in mind, is it prudent or wise to respect the wishes of a sick, insane person?

I would expect mom would want to know what daughter is going thru. I sure would not allow my son to tell me who to talk to or who not to. This is your daughters mom!

Your sweet grand daughter is reaching out to you. You said she wanted to go back with mom. My experience with kids is you are right they are very smart, however they need us to be adults and protect them. She is in an abusive situation!

With a drunk parent like this we never know what could happen!

Sending you lots of love and strength to protect your grand daughter. Debilyn

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Would her Mom be open to her seeing a counselor, one that has some background in the family disease perhaps? My daughter is 14 and I had her see a counselor for awhile after I left her dad. I remind her if she has any issues with either of us and needs someone to talk to we can always get her an appointment. Sending you love and support!

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