You did just fine! welcome.

First we cannot control anything another says, believes or does. Of course it is not  your fault. Besides if he believes that what makes him stay? lol If you ruin his life, his legs are not broken, he knows where the door is.

This horrible disease drags us into it, that is what makes you feel so sick, and your kids too. Believe me they are affected negatively too.

Al Anon can teach us how to stay with them and ignore their banter, their dui's, lieing, whatever. We learn to concentrate on us, and know all that bad stuff you mentioned is his disease, not the man you love. All his stuff is his own.I quit even talking about it to him. None of my business.

So he says he will quit his job, that is manipulation,another symptome of being an addict. More, selfishness, lieing, using drugs including alcohol,so many things that this horrible disease is.

So we look at ourselves, what do we want? Do we want to learn how to live with them and go thru life working on that, or do we cont. as is or do we leave the situation?

Leaving does being fear. I know. I have seen and found on my own, to make huge changes I start by checking things out. Look at what jobs are available, go back to school and look into childcare, Decide how much we need to live on, what is availabel as far as government help and my supplimenting that.

What housing is available? I have to take my pets. Where would I want the kids to go to school? Who would support me, friends, family?  would keep a journal or notebook and be proactive.

When we learn about what the change may bring, we are not so fearful. When we have faith in our ability to figure it out, and see it, we are not so fearful.

Myself I don't believe in allowing kids to be in bad situations. I know I would be better off in a tent with my Mother than live with an abusive A. The tension kids feel is horrible on them. That is MY experience.

I am glad you came here. We having gone thru this or are going thru this really care about you, kids and your A. That is what brings us together. Some of us have been here for around 11 years, some like you just started, but we all feel the same and need each other.

If you choose to stay, there is sooo much hope here, guidance, we listen, we share what we have learned and been through.

When you choose or if to climb out of the disease of addictions pit, you will be able to get out of bed with hope and faith that you are going to make a change. You have us to be here for you, and you will put together a support group there too.

You need you, and your kiddo's need you too. YOu are soon to be going thru the teenage "fun." lol so your coming here was good timing! (c:

I hope you come back and feel comfy.  Lotsa hope for you,debilyn 

Welcome Angel14 :)

I think you should try and go to a face to face meeting. You'll meet people who have been going through the same things that you have.

One thing they talk about in our program is the notion of loving detachment. Being able to love and empathise with the person while separating the disease. As an example, when he got arrested for his dui you scrambled to find someone to bail him out. In Al-Anon we learn to let alcoholics be responsible for their own decisions which would have meant leaving him in jail. Sure, he would have been upset and he is your children's father but now he knows you'll always be around to bail him out, which puts you on edge and affects your mental health.

Keep coming back.

A closed meeting means that it is more private and reserved for those that are dealing directly with the effects of alcoholism -- YOU. All you need to do is walk in the door and accept the fellowship of those that have/are experiencing what your are.

Many towns also have meetings that have free childcare.  If you call the local Al-Anon meeting they will be able to tell you which ones.

It sounds as if your alcoholic is really used to getting his way by any means possible (anger, manipulation, guilt, threats, bluff...).  Of course he wants to keep drinking with as few consequences as possible.  That's the disease, which only looks out for itself.  Some people imagine their alcoholic with the word "SICK" written on their foreheads.  I hope that helps if he tries to give you grief about protecting and healing yourself by going to a meeting.  You will find many wonderful people who have been just where you are.  Also, they say to try six meetings because they are all different.  If the first one is not a good fit, just move on to the next.  But many people find even the first a great source of wisdom and support.  I hope you'll also read through the threads here, and there are online meetings here.  Hugs.