The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm in the middle of what feels like a crushing financial drama in my life. It has left me feeling very anti-universe, like every time I make the tiniest step of progress forward, something happens and shoves me back about a hundred yards. I know that a very large part of the financial crisis is a result of some poor choices I have made at various points in my adult life, all sprouting the seeds of financial bad-ness right now. I also feel like today, right now, I am doing everything I possibly can to keep things under control, and it just isn't enough.
My oldest daughter is nearly 13, and she is struggling mightily with "boy problems." I am trying to, first and foremost, just listen, and not judge her choices. I am also trying to encourage her to own her feelings, to not feel guilty for how she feels, and to try to maintain an appropriate amount of perspective. The "tool" I use with her is what I call the rule of 10s: how much will this thing matter in 10 minutes? In 10 weeks? In 10 years? When you answer those questions honestly, it can be a helpful tool for giving life problems/issues the proper amount of weight in your life.
I'm trying to do that with my own situation too, but MAN, it's hard! One of my Facebook friends posted today something to the effect of "Sometimes [Higher Power] Calms the Storm, and sometimes HP lets the storm rage, and calms the child." I am asking my HP to help calm me; to help me maintain proper perspective, and to help me see the right path.
I find when the storm continues, it reflects my unwillingness to accept what is and my wanting things my way. It's when I don't stop to listen to what HP has to say. My HP isn't intrusive. My HP stands by patiently, waiting for me to receive the wisdom when ready.
I hope you "hear" the answers to your financial drama soon!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Stephanie - Remember that Alanon like all other 12 step programs runs on a 24 hour a day model. You can only focus on what you are doing TODAY, in this 24 hours to address your issues. Don't measure your progress by whether you are fully "out of the hole." That is too monumental. At the end of each day, you can assess whether or not you took the right steps that day...(this is the 10th step). After doing this inventory, you let it go and begin fresh the next day with prayer, meditation, and good intentions. That is all you can do.
Eventually, you probably will get to a spot where you are less financially strapped and also when your daughter is on her own and making it out there in the world. You will be grateful for all you learned and for having had these experiences you are now so that you will then be able to look back on your journey and know it was all worth it. But for now - Live in today and just do the next right thing...rinse...repeat.
Thanks GM and Mark! Mark, I REALLY needed that reminder right now. I am very easily feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of many things, and I really need to break everything down into their daily parts, and just focus on one day at a time.
