The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hope you can find face to face Al-anon meetings and read all the Al-anon literature you can get your hands on. I also sent you a private message. I am sending you much love and support!
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Thursday 27th of September 2012 08:57:33 PM
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I've been married to an alcoholic for 2 years. I'm currently pregnant and at the early stage of pregnancy. In the early part of this year around January, I wanted to leave my husband because of his abuse while being intoxicated. He would verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse me even physically. He almost killed me in January when he crushed a glass vase with ceramic balls in it on my head next to my temple. Everything grew dark and I thought that was it for my life. Since, attending online schooling he took my netbook (laptop) and cell phone so I wouldn't call the police but his dumb ass left his phone and I called the police. I had blood running down my face and all over my shirt and the police took pictures and charged him with second degree assault and I didn't press charges. (Stupid me), he promised he wouldn't drink no more after that incident but lied again as we moved into another property apartment he started back with the drinking. He had gain new employment with the government and kept going until the middle of last month. We went to church Sunday after church he wanted to go get a drink and I explained to him we just left church why would you want to defile yourself with demonic spirits. Anyway, we ended up in an argument and I put him out of the house because one thing that my husband will do if he don't get his drink when he wants it is he would harrass me until we get into an argument so he can be put out. People has told me not to do that because that is what he wants but it will end up with him hitting on me (abusing me) so I rather put him out. Well, Sunday he was out and I was not going to let him back in. Monday, morning around 5 am he was banging on my door to make me let him in instead of going to work. So tuesday, the job fired him because of his tardiness. When bad things happen to him he tends to blame me of everything that goes wrong in his life as if I'm the problem. Recently, we had to move and so he thought to do the same crap to me as he did when we lived in other locations. So I put him out for good. Although, I am 5 weeks pregnant I've learned that my husband does not love me at all and I've bend over backwards trying to be by his side and everytime the same thing goes on with him is to drink and eventually abuse me. Now, since a little one is trying to grow in peace I'm starting to put me and the baby first and let him go. I don't understand people that tell me to stick it out... I never heard of sticking any form of abuse out? For the safety of my unborn child... I rather stay my distance and move on with my life. I try to keep occupied as I'm dealing with my heart that has been through so much storm with his behavior. I guess, I am sharing this because I'm truly fed up with my husband and really I want to leave. However, I'm reminded that divorce isn't favorable with God and I would be considered an adulterous so I'm stuck with this man. I'm needing desperate advice as to what I should do... in such circumstance. I appreciate the reading of my story...Thanks! Signed: Sincerely in pain
I realised my abf was that an alcoholic while i was carrying our son. It took me four years to realise the illness had progressed to a point where it was an unbarable part of our family life. My abf became more mentally abusive and finally violent abuse which gave me no choice than to call the police.
For me this was my rockbottom, I knew that nothing would change I tried the controlling, coaxing everything I could to halt this terrible disease in my wonderful boyrfriend. It took this to happen for him to stand up and be counted, he pleaded guilty to the assault and moved out to get the help he needed with his recovery. He admitted to himself that he was an alcoholic.
I was so lost, angry, resentful, relieved, so many different emotiions. Then after him threatning to hurt himself because he wasnt living in the family home, I found Al-anon.
For me al-anon gave me the option of and realisation that if i wanted a better life I had to start with looking after me and with gods help I surrendered, asked for help and let go. The 12 steps programme is the only option for me to recover as I am just as ill as my alcoholic boyfriend.
Its early days but I have found there is serenity, and by going to f2f meetings I can see my part in the mess that was our lives. I have also given back my boyfriend to his Higher Power and allow him to make his choices. With working the programme and al-anon litrature and alot of affirmations as well as this site and chatroom I use as well as online meetings I am finding a new understanding of myself and love for myself.
I still have struggles, but because of my beautiful children and the love of my god I know in my soul it will be ok.
We all have different stories here but so, so many similarities, to know we are not alone is a gift to us all.
Take care
-- Edited by Zimmy on Friday 28th of September 2012 02:53:21 AM
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
Yvette, I am so sorry that this is happening, and so glad that you have found us.
Al-Anon advises us not to make big decisions in our first six months of recovery (because we need recovery too) UNLESS there is physical abuse. If there is, then taking care of our safety is the most important thing. So I am so glad to hear that you are taking care of your safety and that of your little-one-to-be.
I hope you can get to an Al-Anon meeting, which will give you great support. They say to try six because all meetings are different. No one should have to go through this alone. There are also meetings online here.
Everyone has a different view of marriage and divorce. I myself am sure that God does not want anyone to endanger her own life just to "stay married." Not to mention that I am sure that protecting our children is vitally important. They cannot do it themselves. That's why they have parents. But whatever your ultimate decision on marriage, separating from your husband to keep yourself safe does not count as adultery. Adultery is "voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse" (according to my dictionary). You can remain legally married and not live with your spouse. So for even those with the strictest beliefs, separating to take care of yourself and save your life never counts as adulterous.
Sadly, many abusers panic when their punching bag (their spouse) leaves, and they get enraged and go all out trying to regain control. I hope you have found a local woman's shelter to get help and advice from. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1800799SAFE(7233, http://www.thehotline.org/.
I was pregnant when I found out my husband was drinking again and was not going to stop, and in fact that things were getting worse. I am evidence that you can make it through. I hope you'll keep coming back. Please take good care of yourself.
Yvette, your friends are wrong! SOme things we can put up with and some things we cannot. He has proven he will hurt you mentally and physically. He won't stop. In fact, it will get worse, and you could end up dead! And, you are wise to think of your unborn child who does not deserve this kind of upbringing. You and the child need peace and a decent life which hubby does not seem to be able to provide.
Yes indeed, attend Alanon meetings in your area, and yes indeed, read everything you can get your hands on concerning addiction. But remember the ramifications of addiction can be deadly, not only for him, but for you. You are not in a good place; you must move on, for your sake and for the sake of this dear unborn baby.
I will keep you close in my private thoughts and I will send you positive energy to help you move serenely through this terrible situation. Take care of yourself. Be careful. I send you love dear girl, and good wishes too,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Do you have friends or family you can turn to for support? You are smart, you do not want a child raised in that environment and it sounds very seriously dangerous for you. You need a support system, Al Anon will be one place to turn but also friends and family who ARE NOT telling you to stay. Otherwise, look into a women's shelter in your area - even if you do not need somewhere to live, they can give you places to call for other support. Please keep yourself and your growing baby safe.
