The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Growing up in a sick alcoholic family, I learned that life is supposed to be "hard." if I'm not suffering, I'm probably not working hard enough... move! get busy, busy, busy!!!
Today I know, my disease always moves me into more anxiety and stress. Higher power moves me toward peace and calm.
When I pay attention, my body speaks to me, it lets me know when I am over-doing it, which is a big character defect of mine. I often care MORE for others than I do for myself to the point where I physically exhaust myself. That's when I know, I'm not in Higher powers will because my HP loves me. HP is Love and wants ME to love myself too. not harm myself
I learned something about myself recently, I've been exhausting myself this Fall, working to help winterize everyones garden, which is something I actually love to do. I shared it with my sponsor and she wanted me to remember that I can ENJOY all of that today. I don't have to use my work to "run away" like I used to. Work in the past was an opportunity to run from my AH, run from my life, run from myself....
But I don't have to run today. I can honestly face my life because today I am tapping into a power greater than myself to run the show. It's safe to just "be," - I can be a human being, not a human do-ing - I don't have to "do" anything to prove my worth as a human being with how much I can accomplish.
I keep working on making those amends to myself, I'll keep coming back with you.
-- Edited by glad lee on Thursday 27th of September 2012 11:12:04 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Dang. I have known this was a problem for me for a LONG time. I do not say no when the boss heaps more work on me. I don't say NO when clients are unreasonably demanding. I let myself get taxed to the breaking point. Aside from coming to these boards in the morning, I haven't had time to do much of anything for myself lately. I'm gonna pray on this one and talk to my sponsor, but I really need to try harder at this. I can't keep up working this much (and also the way I'm working). Boundaries have been a HUGE issue for years.
Lots of program work and 12 step work, but if I am not vigilant, I will let the same character defects blow up and repeatedly sock me in the face.
I have a difficult time saying No too - especially to someone in authority. I'd be the one to volunteer for more work, I guess seeking approval. Had a really great boss once that told me "never do more than is expected of you because it will become expected" (I had been complaining about other ladies in the office not doing their work and that it always seemed to fall to me to clean up their messes.) Always felt that I needed to give 110% of myself to my work but where does it stop 120%, 130% etc - where to draw that line is difficult for me.
i HEAR YOU AND HAVE DONE THE SAME i CERTAINLY THOUGHT i COULD DO IT ALL. I FINALLY LEARNED THE MEANING OF THE ALANON SLOGAN: "SAY wHAT YOU MEAN, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY AND DO NOT SAY IT MEAN"
IN DOING JUST THAT i FOUND i STOPPED DOING EVERYONE ELSE'S WORK AND STAYED IN MY OWN HOLA HOOP.I GENTLY TOOK CARE OF ME.
ACTUALLY i EVEN ENDED UP NOT TAKING MY COMPUTER AND WORK HOME. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS AND REMEMEBR YOU ARE WORTH IT
I've learned to say "I'm not certain I can complete everything you've asked within a reasonable time frame, I'm always willing to do my best and try but is there someone else who can assist me if I find myself overwhelmed?" - a little different than "no" but still lets them know where you are.
I dont' know your situation of course, for my boss, "no" gets them boiling. "I'll try but this feels overwhelming" gets them to meet me halfway. Hugs - I'm the 'star performer' here because I say "yes" to everything.... although recently, yesterday, I punted something back to my boss and she didn't freak!!
Awareness, acceptance then action follows. You work and excellent program. And No is a complete sentence without any explanation even. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I empathize Mark...being a helper in the helping profession while being in recovery for an enabling character defect...Look at the last word of the 2nd step and remind yourself out loud what you've asked your Higher Power to lead you to. "No" is a complete sentence and then "not now" or "not just yet" or variations become complete sentences also. Sanity for me can come in me being reasonable with myself and others. Sanity also means being honest with myself and others. I was told by my elder sponsor that alcoholism is a fourfold disease...mind, body, spirit and emotions and that if my recovery wasn't happening on all four levels all at the same time then It wasn't recovery. So why is No important to say on each of those levels? I could have the physcial balance and strength to take something on and if I don't have the emotional health or spiritual intention along with the mental balance...should I? If any one of those 4 things are missing I should look at alternatives or just plain No!! At first I just said no...just because I needed to learn how that was said and how it sounded. Then I would inventory myself and my systems to see if I could do a thing or an extra thing and I would discuss it with my sponsor and he added a clarity..."Often times you know that you could do a thing and then "should" you". He is also the sponsor that gave me the slogan..."When in doubt...Don'T" and "Don'T React". HP loves me also and has given me some very very good to great guidance.
Instead of making it work why not just make it practice...and fun. (((hugs)))
I also reserve the right to change my mind based upon the situation. No is a great sentence and it is a complete sentence, unfortuantely I have found myself saying yes and realizing I'm in over my head!!
Keep coming back, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
