CG...This post is an Al-Anon post while I get it that MIP isn't an Al-Anon sanctioned meeting; at least the last time I heard.  I love the post and all of the other lessons I got in Al-Anon because they impowered me to make my own decisions and to live by the consequences of them.  "I am responsible" is the most important statement at the base of my recovery.  We are currently nominating you to GURU status of MIP.

LOL

(((hugs)))

CG, thank you for your post. I am grateful to this board and the ESH that I receive when I do post. I've been introduced to soooooo many great people that I have connected with on here. Shout out to RLC, rest in peace dad, and a new friend I have. She knows who she is, thank you for reaching out to me. I have def learned to take care of me first and have shared that knowledge as often as I can on here. It's an important part of recovery, I believe. CG thank you for the book, Getting them Sober, you sent to me a few years ago. It's like my lifeline at times still. Just so grateful for this MIP board and for Alanon meetings, that I recently started attending. My next task is to get a sponsor and work the Steps. Several years ago when I found MIP I never thought that I would attend F2F meetings and yet here I am.

Seeking serenity and recovery each day,
Michelle

Thanks, Tom, for your share today. I chose to stay as long as I could. I'm glad that I can say that I gave it my best and had Al-Anon tools, my HP and my sponsor to help me along the way. When I finally decided that I had no other choice but to go on with my life without my AH, as sad as it has been, I know in my heart that my HP has other other plans for me. My AH was going to drink, but eventually I knew what I needed to do.

I, too, hate it when people say to me, "Oh, you're so strong!" No, I'm just trying to get better and to be the person that my HP wants me to be.

"When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesnt mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over. - For a reason and only for a season." I like to think that the disease of alcoholism is what takes our loved ones away from us, they don't abandon us (mentally or physically) because they really want to. The disease has a more powerful hold on them.

This is one of the things I love about Al-Anon. There are no black-and-white answers or solutions.

I can tell you while I was married to my exAH, I felt like I was weak for staying knowing all the details of the situation. A huge determining factor for me was his closeted homosexuality. I felt weak staying with someone whom I knew that if he were healthy would never be in a relationship with me in the first place because he was gay.

When I watched other members in the program announce that they left their AH, I felt like... "wow- how'd they finally get there??"

I've always tried to be careful in my shares, however, about how leaving my exAH lead to a more serene life for me. I never want to give people the impression that leaving the A is the only path to happiness. It isn't. I've seen too many members who remain with their A's and are perfectly happy and serene themselves.

I see the strength in those who choose to stay, and I admire them for it completely. That is some tremendous love I see there.

As you said, and I agree - you're strong for leaving and you're strong for staying. Every situation is unique and there's absolutely no reason why one should feel judged for a decision to either stay or leave. We're all in the perfect spot that our HP wants us in RIGHT NOW. That's the magic of it.

But this conversation also brings me right back to an earlier thread about being concerned about other people's opinions. Stay or leave, it's no one's business but that individual's. What other people think about it doesn't matter one bit, because this is YOUR life, not theirs.

So very true, I think it's important to also recognize those who are strong enough to stay.

Hey Tom, I have never heard of that great old saying, it's a good one

it points to strength. and power. Al-anon taught me where I get REAL strength and power, its from a power greater than myself.

My disease likes to tell me I have to take the bull by the horns, get tougher, exert my will and match the tornado force of my alcoholic, now there are two insane people in the world, lol! In al-anon, I learned that my strength comes from retreating in stillness and quiet time with Higher power. I have to develop my faith until I feel the calm trust that its going to be okay, no matter what.  All is well.

I was told I didn't have to fear anything or anyone, fear is my dis-ease. And if someone is telling me what to do, I need to see it for what it is, they want control too, they want to play God, they are practicing the disease.

I was told I would gain strength by taking the ACTION of attending as many meetings as I could squeeze into my schedule. my sponsor also told me to "Get with God," she said it all the time, find time to be alone with Higher power. So I would go to the nearby metro park to walk, I did it almost daily.

They told me God is always calling, ring! ring!! if He's always getting a busy signal from me, I am never going to get the guidance. I am not even making myself available for guidance, my mind is sometimes too noisy to receive it.

So I have to remember the first word in step 11, "Sought"

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying ONLY for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out"

My job is to seek Higher power. and then pray for knowledge of HIS will and HIS power to carry that out. That's where the right power and strength for me come from.

And yes, that will look differently for everyone. Thanks for the reminder, Tom.

-- Edited by glad lee on Thursday 27th of September 2012 11:37:20 AM

Excellent topic......I agree that courage, strength, and wisdom are needed along any path that anyone chooses.

When one lives with an alcoholic, it takes great strength to stay and great strength to go.  I have been in both places, thinking I could not go on alone, thinking that as a strong woman I could adjust to his alcoholic ways and find my serenity through the AlAnon program and through my own determination.  THen one day, I told him it was time for him to leave.  I cried for days, lost all my strength for a while, knowing I could never "make it" all alone.  But you know what?  I am doing just fine.  My strength has carried me onward, and I know I am going to "make it."

My point is that it takes an inordinate amount of strength either way you go.  My heart goes out to all of us who are struggling to find the right answer.  Remember as you go about your days, the decision has to be yours and for you!  The alcoholic has already made his/hers.

Best wishes  to all of us!

Diva

Reading this over, it is such a rambling post, but I'll bet all of you get the idea..