The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a wonderful loving partner, but lately I keep finding myself taking things personally and reacting in bitter resentful ways towards her. I take almost everything she says personally and before I know it I'm reacting in this grumpy negative way thats no fun! We we were a really good friend o fhers last night and they were both so fun, silly, outgoing, goofy, and I felt like I was a real downer.
I don't know if they percieved me this way, but I think this is a major part of my disease--being resentful and not grateful. And not allowing myself to be open minded to situations and to always be hrut--I'm addicted to being the victim!
So this morning I'm just being honest about this and being intentional about setting up a different way of being. That is, being open minded to what comes, not having set specific expectations but open general ideas baout what I want for my day.
Hello my friend, you have very good awareness. But recovery didn't go far for me when I used my awareness to beat myself bloody. although I remember in early recovery, I did.
My sponsor steered me in a more loving direction, she gave me gentle guidance. I suggest you give your sponsor a call. let them know what Step you believe you are on with this, and see what they have to say. I know for me, I could NOT rely on myself to recover and when I don't work the steps in order, I am running with my old ideas again. and my life becomes unmanageable.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I second Glad's suggestion..."SPONSOR" call. I hated being where you are at now and I just knew that I couldn't hide the condition from anyone cause even if I didn't say a thing my body language was screaming "I'm Pissed!!!" (and I don't know why). Can I suggest a quiet time out for an inventory...searching, fearless, moral...Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
