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For those who deal with both...how do you do it? Dealing with the alcohol is one thing. The drugs are a totally different issue. Yes they are both addictions but the consequences can be so much worse. If he were to get busted and I just happen to be with him not knowing he had anything on him, I can get in just as much trouble. And that is putting my son at risk. I am still not certain he is using, but the signs are there. I have no black and white proof, but going through this before I know his behavior when he is using. No he's not ever going to admit it. No he's not going to ever do it around me. So there is always that little bit of doubt because I haven't actually seen it. I tell myself maybe I am just paranoid. But deep down my gut instinct says he is. And that's one of my boundaries, I won't be put in that situation again. Last time it lead to him manufacturing and dealing again, this was right before he went into rehab. I can't live like that, worrying he's getting that deep again. This is my life he is messing with too. But feel like I can't just tell him to leave when I don't know for certain. Would it be wrong to ask him to take a drug test? I am by no means trying to control what he is doing because I know I can't, I just need to take care of myself. And I feel that he is putting me in bad situation again. I have been trying so hard to detach, but when you throw drugs in the mix it makes it so much more difficult, at least for me.
Thank you for your support. After a long heated debated about some of his behavior yesterday that was leading me to believe he was using, I asked him to do a drug test which he refused. He later admitted he was using and says he will quit again. But I have no faith in that anymore. Not sure of the next step.
((jamie))...sometimes we dont have all the answers, easy does it. Our gut instinct is it seems to me pretty accurate isnt it? Your boundry is there in place for a reason, remember you don't have to have all the answers all at once. One day at a time.
Hugs
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
My wise old sponsor used to have a saying that he repeated often to me: "Addiction is addiction is addiction", and I definitely believe it to be true..... Alcohol is a drug, of course, but I don't see that there is any 'step change' in severity between any of these addictions, and the "solutions", if you will, are very similar....
Making a drug user take a drug test is akin to searching for bottles with an alcoholic - it is an exercise in futility, in that - even if they come out clean, you're unlikely to believe them anyway (certainly not the next time that their behavior becomes erratic). Drug tests, or searching for bottles - does nothing for sobriety, and keeps you enmeshed in their disease....
Glad he's now admitting to his using, and wanting to get help for it....
He will either drink (or use), or he won't... what are YOU gonna do?
Keep choosing recovery for you and your children..... he'll either figure it out, or he won't.... either way, you're much further ahead...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I realize now that asking for a drug test probably was not the best avenue. I KNEW he was using, I just felt I needed that proof. I don't know why. I say I can't live with that but I am still here. Yes he said he would quit, but he does not want any help. No rehab, no meetings, no counseling...just give him three days to get it out of his system and all with be good he says. So I will say no more to him about his meth, no more about his beer or whiskey. Go to my Al-Anon meetings and pray I can someday wrap my head around all of this. Maybe I can deal with it, maybe I can't. All I know right now is I gotta be stronger than I am to find out, because at this moment I feel so beat down and weak I have no idea which way to go.
