The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ah is in Las Vegas for a work related trip. I called him last night to say goodnight but he didn't answer. He called me back about 20 minutes later and I could tell he was drunk. I got off the phone within a few minutes and decided at that point that I do NOT want to talk to him when he's drunk ever again. He texted me this AM and apologized for missing my call. Apparently, he doesn't remember that we spoke at all. I sent him a text that said, "Good morning. FYI: we did talk last night." I haven't heard back from him yet today.
Anyway, I am planning on setting a firm boundary. If he's going to be drinking, I have no desire to try to converse with him. I will be calling him at around 4 to tell him goodnight and to make it clear that I choose not to be put in that situation again. Boundary setting and keeping is really hard for me, that's why I'm sharing it here. But, it's important for me to do what's right and not to do it out of punishment. I keep reminding myself that boundaries are for ME!
Good for you for setting such a good boundary. You most likely will be met with some resistance, but eventually you'll feel so good you did.
Hugs!
Shawn
I too set such a boundary and ,although it was challenged often, I did stick to it. When the call came and it was evident he was drunk I simply said "You are drunk and I must hang up" . I then hung up and placed the telephone off the hook. He knew this would be the consequence of calling drunk and no discussion was entertained
Thanks everyone for the support. Turns out as soon as I spoke my boundary, my AH told me that he had an epiphany today. The black out from the night before made him realize that he can't control his drinking like he used to. He said he doesn't know what's wrong with him, and NO, I did not offer that up to him. I told him the answers were in the rooms of AA. He is committing to the AA program and told me that he understands if I still want to leave, etc. He has recognized the damage the drinking is doing and says he's ready to change.
I am hesitant to believe him because, other than his commitment to AA, he's said all these things before. As he told me, "The proof will be in the pudding." So, I will be lifting him up to his Higher Power and turning his recovery over to my God. I will have to remind myself to stay out of things, to stay out of his recovery, and to let God work in his life as I am letting Him work in mine.
Commending you on how you handled all this. Giving his recovery over to God is going to be hard....That is going to test your program as much if not more than the drinking. Stick with alanon cuz it's working miracles on you!! The stuff you wrote here was so level-headed and self-assured. I could clearly see your program in action in everything you wrote and that is very cool to see.
