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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> It makes me mad!
Post Info TOPIC: It makes me mad!
denro


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It makes me mad!
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After a full week as an all in member of Al-Anon in dealing with my compulsive liar investment partner from the old economy, I have been able to email that I am not interested in ANY promises, calendar dates of promises, forthcomings etc, but it makes me mad that I know it is the same as dealing with a lying alcoholic and there's NOTHING I can do to fix him.

I want to scream and tell him that he's sick and get help, but I know that does nothing because of his layers of denial and pattern of abuse to associates and even the impact on his own family.

I know the only thing I can do is work on me, my reactions, anxiety, fears, depressions, anger and resentments.

I know this, but it makes me mad as hell that I cannot get him to see what destructiveness he causes.

I am not his only victim, there are about ten others. Maybe I should start a self help, healing meeting for us all.wink

I have five year promissory notes, that may or may not fulfill, but still it hurts to be victimized, and...

I know I am the source of my being in this position, I guess I am still looking for reassurance that money or no money, I can get better and get free!

Thanks for any replies,

Dennis

aka (denro) 



-- Edited by denro on Sunday 23rd of September 2012 02:12:18 PM

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Debilyn


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Ok do you know we are most happy when we have our basic needs met, to ones having about 50,000 $ a year. But from $50,000 a year up, there is no added happiness? In fact people are less happy?

I am talking people living in huts that have their basic needs and  live close to others feel they have it all! There are tiny town in Louisisana that people have built their own homes, so they have what they need. No fancy stuff either. But they have a ton of family and friends who always get together and eat tons of seafood, and they are happy.

I think it is what our focus is too. You sound like you are working the program well! You are right, we cannot control anyone but ourselves.

I don't quite get your situation, not sure it matters, but I would ask what is more important, wasting time wondering if you will get your return, or taking off to some cool place focusing on what you love?

hugs,debilyn



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Jerry F


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Denro that sounds like the grieving process to me which has layers and mileposts along the way. I like Debbie's way of putting it cause it sounds easy and nice and almost fun to go thru however like you I spent too much time "trying to understand" and then "trying to accept" and then building barriers which wouldn't imprision me and eventually getting to "move on".  I believe that two of the most valueable and useful tools for me were acceptance and self confidence; "It was what it was and I was still whole, alive and going to be successful (what ever that meant) anyways.  Mad for me always meant drama.  I did drama like an old experienced stage queen until I came to dispise the costumes and makeup...just wasn't me.

You give the impression of courage and grace and I'm watching to learn.  Please continue.  If you need any further drama coaching I can still remember however it doesn't sound like you'll be asking for any.

Keep coming back ((((hugs)))) smile



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denro


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Thanks Debilyn and Jerry,

Your replies really make a difference for me and reaffirms what I know intellectually , BUT it helps to see it from you.

Debilyn, I agree because I've had a lot of money flow through my life and it NEVER made me happy.

I definitely know that money does not buy happiness.

For me money always contributed to my LOOKING GOOD and EGO (edging God out) and never added an ounce to my humility.

I mean, I know I'm a good person, but money never added anything other than mobility and things.

Jerry, thanks for that comment. Acceptance, yes for sure and self-confidence is a great reminder for me, because I know that who I really am when I am that, I can accomplish anything and I've been held back as I've allowed myself to be mired in the emotional turmoil and muck.

Since, I have been firmly planted in Al-Anon, I can see already distinct possibilities that I can now start to entertain with more gusto and freedom. Between meetings that is, for a while for sure.

I know I need more program and my sponsors words being inserted daily in my brain.

Stay tuned, money or no money, fulfillment or no fulfillment, I will not only survive, I intend to thrive and live a comfortable life free of this particular intended or unintended domination.

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