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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My Good Intentions Blown to Bits
Post Info TOPIC: My Good Intentions Blown to Bits
WornOutMrsFixIt


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My Good Intentions Blown to Bits
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I am so filled with understanding, love and compassion for my AH when we don't associate with each other. I so want to get through to him that I haven't given up on him and can still forgive everything and stand by him every step of the way if he were truly trying to fight his alcoholism but I can't wait forever The minute we talk, however, he is such a hateful person that I end up sinking to his level and by the end of the conversation I am arguing with and insulting him. I usually try to put my thoughts in writing if I am trying to convey a loving message to him for this very reason.

I'm sure other people do this too. I guess it's why when we leave and get away from the situation daily, we convince ourselves that we can go back because it wasn't so bad but as soon as you go back you remember why you left.  

Argh!!!!!! This disease furious 



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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
hotrod


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Today's Reading in Courge to Change speaks to this issue

Page  267

You are not alone



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
pinkchip


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Writing is good but just remember - The same sick mind that he responds to your speaking with is the same sick mind he will read your letters with. Even putting the communication in writing will not cause him to have a rational reaction to it. You are still powerless over that. Putting it in writing is at least protecting your serenity more though it sounds like.

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Debilyn


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If you practice al anon skills, this reflecting back will no  longer happen. Also you will learn no expectations, he will be who he is.

As I shared I learned from many Al Anon years. Got where I wanted my AH around no matter what. So I would go sit with him and watch movies etc. If he was drunk, I didn't mind at all. That was part of him. If and when he got obnoxious I would get the cue to go read, go do something else. Not making any big deal of it.

He is a very sick addict. But even ten minutes of getting to be with that part of him I loved was worth it. Plus I knew he was home and safe.

Compassion is a very strong emotion. It can help us through things we would never have thought we would be part of.

When we get to this spot in our recovery, we are free, happy.  We do this for us. love,debiyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Pushka


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Hugs WornOut,

I discovered last weekend not everyone thinks like I do. Thank goodness .. LOL. I just want send you love and support. I think it's a form of denial in order to accept that I'm right in the situation and he's wrong. I want so badly for him to say .. you know what I'm wrong and you are right. The reality is .. that's not reality. It's what I want .. it's not what will happen today. I can not force my will on the situation and expect for him to finally see the light.

It is so hard to remember though when I am in the throws of an emotional conversation. I'm so sorry this is so hard to remember I know how much pain it causes me when I forget that I am not in control of this situation. I have to step back and see it as is and not force things that are not mine to force.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Breakingfree


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I can relate and it took me a long time to realize that I was immersed in some deep denial and a very bad memory of the worst times. Journaling helps me with my awareness and striving on forward. Sending you much love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
WornOutMrsFixIt


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Hot rod, I read that lesson - it definitely applied. Pink chip, the writing makes me feel like I say the things that I need to say but can't get out because he pisses me off!! ;D. Pushka, you and I are alike in this way, I believe. I always get a laugh out of you explaining how you want him to admit you're right. Debilyn, sometimes I wish I could get to your level of acceptance because I miss him and my home but there was verbal and emotional abuse with an escalating threat of physical violence. Breaking free, you are an inspiration to me. I admire what you've done with your life since you left. Thanks for the support!!

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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
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