I really love that you threw it out there because it reminds me that I am responsible for my own recovery and perceptions. and when I need help with my perceptions, I gotta throw it out there to the fellowship. And I especially love that you, Betty and me have all had this feeling, we are not alone, woo hoooooo, that feels good!

It sounds like you and I have same personality type. When I complained to my first sponsor that I didnt think I fit in because I am an introvert, she told me to watch out. when my brain is choosing a fearful thought, its my disease again. my disease seeks to separate me from the others and from Higher power. That thinking leaves me alone and isolated, where my disease lives, in my fearful head. I have to remember I have a thinking disease and that if I keep doing what I did in the past, I will keep getting what I got in the past.

My willingness to try and see everyone the way Higher power sees everyone, helps me to change my perception, so I was told to PRAY before the meeting, connect with HP.

Then I was told to try to identify with what was being said, not compare. Identify with the emotions. not the form of what is happening in their lives. Because whenever I compare myself, I start thinking I am different. That is a detour into fear, and a separation from others and Higher power.

With practice, this helped me to identify with just about everyone. I was particularly surprised when I found myself identifying with someone in recovery who spent time in a federal penitentiary. I didnt identify with what he did, I identified with his emotions.

Then my sponsor told me to read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. She told me to underline everything that I could relate to, the emotions. What a great exercise, I underlined waaaay more than I thought, we are more alike than different. In recovery, I have found a One-ness I never imagined with people. A loving perception is what heals me and allows me to get along in this world.

My disease always leads me into further anxiety. My Higher power always leads me further into peace and all I have to do is let Higher power know that I am willing to see things differently.

Just like you did, today, I am sooo grateful for that share, my friend ((hugs))

 

 

Great courage WillowTree...you extroverted on the MIP board...no we are not face to face...we are spirit to spirit and I feel very secure with the responses you got because I also come from where you're coming from as I think the majority of enablers and co-dependents do also.  Read your post as if you were someone else; David, Glad Lee or Hotrod or myself and look at the problems you think hold you back or disqualify you from getting understanding, compassion, unconditional love and support.  If I have received that and more in the program then these gifts are up for grabs for anyone else.  I read FEAR in your post...F(alse) E(vidence) A(ppearing) R(eal)...my head was trying to tell me that what it was coming up with was reall stuff and it wasn't.  It was false.   The opposite of shyness is self love, confidence, appreciation, affirmation, and a searching, F E A Rless, moral inventory.  You might know only small parts of yourself which  you see as inadequate and that isn't honest because the good and strong and powerful stuff is being left out.  Has anyone ever thanked you for your ESH at your home group?  has anyone ever nodded in relationship to your ESH?  If that has ever happened put your right hand over your left shoulder and pat yourself on the back because you brought some stuff out of hiding and made someone better for it.  My home group use to say "don't hide your light under a basket.  Bring it out and dispell the darkness for others".   You are soooo important...fearful   -and-   important...both not only one.

I've had great sponsorship...thank God!!  One of my sponsors told me not to hand in a 4th step to him after I thought I had done a great one...because there was much more negative on it than positive and as he told me "there is no such thing and if there was you wouldn't be alive much less free to be alive".  I went back to work on that 4th step and included the good about me.  I also revisited some of the stuff I put down as negative and amended it because I was too black about it and didn't think I could survive it or change it...Not true...Go find the true, real Willow...start with "Shes a Child of God...and God don't make no junk".   Since your judgement of yourself may need tweaking then your judgement of others and other places and things might also.  If you need to find the good in Willow; you need to find the good in Willow's sponsor too and others.

I admire your getting to work the program after only a year in it...It took me 5 years to get over all of my excuses to just go to meetings without working the program.  God works on my ego most of the time because I think "Im different" and so God told me "what happens when they find out you've just been going to meetings and haven't worked the steps?  What happens when they call you on it"?  That's a good manipulation for a fear based person, which I was and God gets to do the manipulations for me.

You fit...from my experience...because you can give away yourself and help me by it.   Mahalo Nui (Thanks so much)...((((hugs))))

I can identify with your post too even though I'm not introverted. It's scary to change and it seems you are on the cusp. Just wanted to drop a note in support of you.