Why Is This Ticking Me Off - Al-Anon Family Group

TrudyS85 · Senior Member

Why Is This Ticking Me Off

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

Manipulation? His post on FB makes it all seem that this was his doing.

You have absolutely every right to feel furious! What are you going to do with it? Clearly he's wrong. He's most likely going to stay wrong and as the process continues there will probably be many more instances where you go, REALLY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Dealing with this disease is not pleasant. Your life has been miserable for the past 10 years. So now even though he's done what he's done you also have the opportunity to figure out what your next right step is.

It's so frustrating and infuriating to deal with this kind of thing. Sending you lots of hugs and support on your journey!!!!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Trudy,

I can only tell you what I have experienced in my own situation and that is someone else's ability to rewrite history to what they want it to be vs what the reality was for the people around them. It gets easier and yes, I still get angry .. you have to know your own truth .. you may have crazy behavior and who wouldn't .. it's part of the insanity of living with an addict, you are NOT crazy though. I have to constantly tell myself that statement because it is soooo easy to get sucked in to maybe I didn't hear what I heard, maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought .. really? YES it was .. that is where I have to seriously put my detachment into play. Having to see them, talk to them and so on it's very difficult not to get sucked back into my old behavior. I think sometimes at least it seems that way to me .. my STBAX needs that .. it absolutely infuriates me to no end if I allow my peace and serenity to be garbled up because of his insane beahvior.

I recently heard that he posted pictures I had shared with him over his phone on his FB and he actually acted as if HE had been the one taking pictures and had been at the event in question. I was beyond seeing red and then when I slowed myself down for a min I realized how pathetic that because he is constantly lying that he doesn't know his truth from his lies .. and you know what thank goodness the man doesn't think like me .. LOL!! It makes life a whole lot easier for me. So he's taking credit for things he couldn't even tell you what they were about .. and the seriously sad thing is .. he may or may not check back in ever .. if he doesn't it's completely his loss. It's not my kids or my loss.

He spent the evening texting his bimbo (hey at least I'm not calling her what I used to .. LOL), all while he had his children there for 4 hours .. 1/2 an hour he actually left them alone with his sleeping mother. I was floored however .. it's who he is and it's extremely sad. BOTH of my children come to me with this stuff and it leaves me speechless as to how do I protect them from this kind of pain every single week .. and there is nothing I can do about it. It breaks my heart for them.

Both of our spouses are doing exactly what addicts do and acting the way addicts act. Honestly it's not personal .. if I had done 1/4 of what he's done you know what .. I would need to drink, numb out, disconnect to and I would feel all kinds of things that would not be pleasant and I would be looking for ways to avoid it. I would want to get my feel goods another way.

It does get better and the pain as well as the anger lessons .. please keep coming back and doing what you need to do. It is NORMAL to feel what you are feeling .. feelings aren't facts though and I do not have to react OR respond to them until I can allow them to pass. So yes, I feel the anger let it keep on going and then I am not so angry and each moment comes new clarity.

BIG hugs, P :)

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Try and detach Trudy - In order to stay sober he has got to stay in a positive frame of mind for now - even if it's delusional. If he posted I'm out of rehab, I got dumped and life sucks, that would not be better cuz that would be self-pity and him heading to a relapse most likely.

Don't expect amends and sincerity from a person fresh out of rehab. They are like a little baby....

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Trudy as long as your talking and trying to analyze the Alcoholic, Your taking time away from you and your recovery.

Your focus always seems to be on him and what he is doing. Start living and practicing Alanon for you and your happiness. Stop waiting around for him to be sober and normal, its a long bumpy road for the Alcoholic.

You could be happy right now in this moment if you want too.

Keep coming back
Hugs, Bettina

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

trudy even knowing the a is sick, it is the disease you are so mad at, does not mean we are not mad at the situation!

Just reading about your obstacles makes me mad at the disease!

have you called the cr card companies and asked for help?

He is going to do what ever he wants. Pinkchip is so right. Your A is still very very sick. It can take years to get into and live a true recovery.

Hey girl, mine wrote me love letters from jail, begged me to try again. I was away from him awhile before he went to jail. I had to think a lot. so I ended up saying ok.

guess what? He got out, went to his mommys, did not have my phone number. My friends would not give it to him, so he moves in with the host he is still with!

I knew he was getting out and could not find him! I posted his pic all over town, went looking and looking. then found out where he was. I went there and he just says, I guess I was wrong.

Man that hurt.

Anyway hon, they just are sick sick sick.

You have every right to be angry, I had to pay all mines back taxes while I about starved to death and lived in my barn in a tiny room!

To this day it has made life a struggle for me.

soooooo hugs!! debilyn

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