The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Anyone of you could be married to my alcoholic son, who has broken my heart over & over & has hurt his children over & over & his ex wife. His wife finally left him & divorced him, but she has never gone to AL anon so all the craziness continues, between them over the kids & one trying to out do the other & neither want the responsibility of the children. I am on very good terms with my ex daughter in law, I have to use the program with her also. No she is not alcoholic, but has been greatly affected by it & still feels my sons mistreatment of her is because he just did not love her & thinks he loves the new lady better that drinks with him.I have tried to tell her if my son is capable of loving anyone in his state it his her he loves not the lady he drinks with. At least my oldest grandson walked away from his father & is in counselling, so there is hope there. My granddaughters are still caught up in the mess. My ex daughter in law is living with a guy, but tells me daily she still loves my son. I finally rescued the dog out of my sons house & just in time as it was very sick & it cost me over a thousand dollars in vet bills to save the dog & now the poor little thing will be on med for at least 6 more months. Of course my Alcoholic son tried to turn it on me & tell me I broke his daughters heart by taking the dog. By no means did I allow him to put the blame on me I simply told him that he neglected the dog & he is too blame & hung up.
I though working this program was tough when I was married to my ex alcoholic, and I though once I divorced him worked my program, got my kids into AL-teen, had great talks to them about the disease, We would be safe from the monster. No such luck.
Thank God for Al anon & for this group God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change & the courage to change the things I can. The wisdom to know the difference
__________________
Icie
"Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die..."
I hear you I too have walked that painful road of which you speak. Keep on placing principles above personalities , doing the night right and be very gentle with yourself.
Icie it's good for me to hear this because my ex was a dry drunk while married for 15 years, I too left for the treatment, only by the time I left I had no love in my heart for him anymore. I still don't. I have worked very hard to give my boys calm and stable environment because their time with their dad ranges from wild fun, to complete insanity and anything in between. He is now an active functioning alcoholic.
With 3 boys and the fact that genetics are not on their side I keep this topic WIDE open. I do not keep secrets about it from them or give them the nice version. I give them the age appropriate version but they are well versed on how destructive and powerful alcohol is and it's best to just NOT start it. I even finally have my kids turning away their dad's offers of "sips" of his drinks. (yes it's been reported several times but has been ruled not worthy of intervention)
I know that I may be battling this monster again and it sure has many faces so I will just keep this in mind always. I sure empathize with your journey and you are very strong!
Gosh alcoholics play the game of who do they love so well. I always felt the ex A cared far more for his friends than me. In actual fact he cared for no one least of all himself. The level of his self hatred was enormous. I can get caught into a huge trap around favoritism any day. I have to remind myself constantly of my self worth. Those who participate in favoritism are those who have pretty low self esteem in general. Why take it personally?
I know that for so many reasons I often wonder what is the purpose of my being around so many dysfunctional people. When I get to the part of what I have learned from it I can see progress. Otherwise I feel absolutely victimized.
