I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and glad you have found us. 

I hope you will also find some face-to-face Al-Anon meetings.  They are all different so they say to try six until you find one that is a good fit.  When we live with alcoholism, we get sucked into the insanity without even knowing it, so we need recovery too.  Alcoholism is very powerful and it is so valuable to have a lot of support in putting the madness behind us.

One of the hard (but liberating) truths that Al-Anon teaches us is that there are three C's about alcoholism: we didn't Cause it, we can't Cure it, and we can't Control it.  The experience of thousands, probably millions of people have shown that if we could control it, it would be controlled by now.  The alcoholic has to want to take the steps to recovery, and no outside power can convince them to do that.  They have to hit their own bottom, which happens on their own time. Tragically, I'm afraid that a significant percentage never do recover.  I say this because I had put my life on hold, waiting for that magic day when he'd be over it.  It is far better for us to go ahead and make our lives peaceful and good (whatever that would look like) without having that hinge on their decisions.

Of course if someone is in a medical crisis, we don't stand by and let the worst happen.  They need professionals on the case then.  But in the slow but sure downward slide, there are no professionals that can help unless the alcoholic himself wants help and goes for it. 

There is one big thing that you can do.  When we go into recovery, that adds recovery to the dynamic.  Everything gets healthier even if the alcoholic is not seeking to get healthier.  We go into our own recovery by finding good Al-Anon meetings, getting a sponsor when we find someone appropriate, reading all the Al-Anon literature we can (and the threads on these boards!), and working our program.  There are online meetings here and a chat room.  If you read through the other threads you will find many people in very similar situations, and many people who have experienced this and moved on to lead much more peaceful lives.  You have taken the first step in coming here.  Please don't wait in getting more support -- no one should have to do this alone.  Hugs.

Aloha Praying and welcome to the board.  I hope that you become a regular member...stick around and read, read, read with an open mind and post how life is going with you as you already have.  The separation or detachment has a positive outcome for you...peace of mind and serenity and arresting the damage that the disease is having over you...you get a chance to pray in serenity to have those conversations with God or your Higher Power without the disease coming in between it.  Don't we not pray for them and also pray for us to be relieved of the pain of the disease?   You have done what it takes to be relieved of the pain (some...theres more to do for you) and that was/is to get quiet.  He has a part that he has done and has to do still in order for the wedding vows and contract and promises to come true.  All of those were mutual commitment and if it is now not mutual it won't work.  When you married you didn't get a requirement to learn about and understand alcoholism.  You didn't know that your husband was a carrier of the disease and therefore could not have envisioned you would be reaching out for help at MIP.   Today is your day.  Step out of the way between him and his Higher Power and let the two of them meeting.  It is your concern and not your job because as it has been mentioned, thanks to Mattie's share, the 3C's apply.  Alcoholism has already taken you down and you both down and you won...you left it alone which is one of the alternatives for us who want to be winners.  Detach...Let go and Let God...Turn it Over (to HP)...To Thine own self be true and more.  What Mattie said was absolutely accurate..."If we could have...we would have" and we can't.  Alcoholism is a disease that is incureable.  If it is not arrested by total abstinence it results in insanity and death. My suggestion of getting to face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups echo Mattie's because that is what worked for me when all other attempts failed.  You are responsible for you and responsible to others...You have been responsible to your alcoholic and it didn't work because he isn't responsible for himself.   I'd like to hear how the meetings do for you...go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area and call to find out where and when we get together and come as early as you can.   Praying for you and for him.  (((hugs)))

Praying Wife the disease is cunning, powerful and baffling and insidious and many times easy to understand if you understand and learn from those who come before you and those who have done the research and study of it.  Alcohol is a major mind and mood altering chemical...They drink they get altered...different and the chemical naturally sets them up for more.  More means more practice and more useage and therefore leads to misuse, abuse and addiction if they are not predisposed from birth (as I was).  In time you learn that there actually is a Dr Jekel and Mr. Hyde co-existing personality.  When he is not under the influence (and that does not always mean drunk) the Jekel personality is pronounced...when he is under the influence the Mr. Hyde personality rules.   I was taught to accept that I had a wife - and - an alcoholic/addict and then to know which one was in my atmosphere so that I could respond properly (for me) to what was going on.  How did I help her?  I helped myself first.  I got into Al-Anon and sat down with an open mind and learned from the members who came before me who were calm, serene and sane.  I let them teach me and asked them for help.  I was born with the disease not the answers to it.  I had to learn the solutions over time and with effort and practice and willingness and humility.  With out such help I was done for...mind, body, spirit and emotions.  I learned a proper relationship with God as I understand God and I learned how to practice that 24/7 as it was required in order to keep me from taking control over something I had no control over.  No one controls alcoholism...it does the controlling and we do the reacting.  It is not a cureable disease.  It is thousands of years old and it is permitted to exist and snares millions one of which is the person you love.  Best person for him to be in contact with is another recovering alcoholic who knows what happened and who has learned that change is necessary and who now practices those changes...1st change...Don't take the first drink and then it goes on.

Marvelous for you that Saturday you will be with us at a face to face meeting in your area...Marvelous!!  Take an open mind with you and leave your fear and miseries at the door before you go in.  If you still feel that the program isn't for you then you can retrieve your fear and miseries and try something else.  This is what I was invited to do when I first got to program.  I never went back and retrieved my fear and miseries...I just kept coming back on invitation.   Keep coming back cause this works when you work it.    (((((hugs)))))