The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the beat goes on doesnt it. This really proves the genetics of this disease and how it is passed on. I call it Karma. You sure have been thru it, but so glad you have had Alanon to get you thru all these years. To stress how this disease is passed on, I have a cousin who was married to an Alcoholic, they had a son, my cousin divorced him, eventually married another man, the boy was 2 at the time. The 2nd husband adopted the boy and the real father gave him up legally, he never saw or related to his Father. That son is now 40, looks like his real dad, has the same mannerisms and he also drinks like his Dad. There is no escaping it as you have experienced.
You are doing the best for yourself that you can do and hopefull with your encouragement, your daughter in law will go to Alanon. I hope she goes with you.
Meantime, keep coming back and all my best to you.
Hugs, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Tuesday 18th of September 2012 01:24:59 PM
Hi .....I am new to this group. My story....I was married to a alcoholic for 10 years he conned me, manipulated me, verbally abused me.I finally got into Al anon, started to heal..told him to either get help for his drinking or leave,I wasn't about to leave the home with 3 small children & he knew I meant business he choose to continue to drink & found himself a lady that drinks with him....30 years later they are both still drinking & living a social assistance.
I got on with my life, found inner peace, started my own business raised my three boys. Life was pretty good until the disease raised its ugly head once again. I thought I had won the battle. I had got the kids into Ala-teen. I had many talks to the boys about the disease the whole nine yards. One son is a full fledged practising alcoholic.....He was married to a beautiful lady who is a Doctor, She left, got a divorce, they both got joint custody of the kids. He now has a lady that has two kids & who also has a drinking problem.They drink together & he controls her100%. He has lost his oldest son, he has nothing to do with his father.His two daughters still go there every other week, but tell me horrid stories. I did phone their mother & we had a talk & she mentioned she did not like the kids going there because of some things.....My reply was I was wondering why you let the kids go there. I personally have let go totally of that son physically, no help , no contact. Its better for me. I pray for him & worry about him, but I know there is NOTHING I can do or say but let go & let God, whatever will be will be.
Now for one of my other sons, he married a party girl, she was so much fun ( yes a alcoholic ) They have two little kids....Once again I have to bite my lips, as he is in denial. So I sit & wait until he is ready to reach out for help. They go to house parties take the kids as everyone's kids are there also. By elven o'clock he goes home alone with the kids as she is just getting started & so are all the other.
So long story short, if it wasn't for al-anon I would be crazy, totally insane, locked away in a nut house. Yes I hurt. I have had my heat broken, I have been verbally abused by my alcoholic son...I walked away he is not welcome in my life, until he gets treatment for his drinking.......My worry now is all my grandchildren. I have them over as much as I can handle. Buy them cloths make sure they know that I love them & am always here for them. Go to lots of Al-anon meetings.
I am on very good terms with my ex daughter in law. I do wish she would go to Al anon for herself & the kids, but once again it's her choice. She still thinks she can reason with my son her ex the alcoholic & gets herself verbally abused by him.
My prayers & thoughts are with all of you
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Icie
"Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die..."
I am so glad that you found this Board and shared your courage, strength and hope. I can identify with the experience of alcoholism being passed to the next generation. I too talked long and hard about the danger of alcoholism, the genetics, took my son to alateen meetings , and felt comfortable that he knew the danger of this disease. His father found AA when my son was 11 and I thought we were safe. Not so.
Dad passed from cancer, sober 6 years after finding sobriety at age 48. My wonderful son looked exactly like his father, did very well in the world, did not drink until one fatal day and then within 4 years he had passed. He was 41.
I know I was always powerless . I am eternally grateful we did have Ala on, AA and Ala teen in our lives. Participation in these fellowships did give us all more sanity and the courage to face this dreadful disease with a degree of compassion and love.
I am glad you are attending alanon and look forwad to sharing the journey.
Thanks to both of you for the nice welcome & understanding.I sure do appreciate it. I am so happy I found this group, I know it is going to help me lots in between my other AL-anon meetings. There are times I just can't get to a meeting because of my job. I sure can relate to everyone in this group.
Betty...I am so sorry to hear of your son's passing & your fathers from cancer. I can relate to the cancer, my brother passed away from bone cancer. I am a 5 year breast cancer survivor. My one sister is also a breast cancer survivor So other things beside alcoholism can run in families
Bettina....So nice to hear that your cousin moved on but sad to hear that the son also has his real fathers disease.
I have new reality to deal with, I kept thinking one could put a end to the family disease, if one lived right, did all the right things, gave a loving stable home for the kids & set good examples by the way I lived. No such luck.
Hugs Icie
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Icie
"Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die..."
