I'm sorry this is happening to you.  I think my hp led to read what I was mean't to read.  I'm sitting with a financial mistake as well of my own making. Much like you, I've tried to do some footwork to bring about a positive result.  My footwork failed.  I'm trying to remind myself that I have not control over other people only my reaction to them.  There are a few choices I can make now and I need to make a decision what I will do next. Do I want to pursue this further or do I want to put my trust in my higher power that I will continue to be taken care of and let go of this finally.  I am the person having to make payment in this situation.  I can manage it unjust.  Mattie's rationalization about "tuition" resonated with me because the month this huge bill arrived I had only received a letter one week prior congratulating me on having paid my last payment for my student loan. I began to feel maybe my hp had a very sick sense of humor.  I'm proud that I did make initial attempts to dispute the demand for payment of this bill I owe but now my serenity is really suffering at the prospect of pursuing it yet further. I keep telling myself it's only money.. something I have the ability to keep making.  I trust myself and in fact I know that I trust my hp.  Much like you, it's the principle of the thing.  It's just wrong and why should someone be able to get away with this.  Looking back at the financial outcome of my divorce, I could say that was a long emotional investment and the outcome harbored on degrading. I have lived with it, gone forward, made my own way and let go of the resentment.  If you feel you have it in you to go one more round, then that is what I would suggest that you do concerning this person who owes you money.  I would also say to have courage and faith in yourself to walk away from it if you prefer. Don't let the financial amount or what others might think of you stand in your way.  Search your heart, look at your own health and well being, connect with your own higher power and decide what feels right for you.  Serenity is priceless. Hugs.  TT

I'm so sorry.  It sure does sound fishy and I'm afraid it sure does sound as if your $48,000 is not coming back.

I think it is natural to be angry when that happens.  It shows that we recognize that this is not normal, that the person has badly betrayed our trust.  And it keeps us away from that person.  I know when I have been slow to be angry, I've gone back and trusted the same person more times than I should have. 

I am not sure if I understand your description correctly.  You appear to be saying that you don't think your partner was cooking the books or personally profiting from the funds (as in a Ponzi).  But it does appear that he may have lost a lot of money in the downturn.  He was already losing money and you lent him a lot of money to try to help him.  But if he was losing money already, it makes sense that he might have gone on losing it.  The most immediate problem, as I see it, is that he is hedging and prevaricating and making promises he's not keeping.  If he were up front about it, he'd give you the money, or lay out the papers and show you what happened and how he doesn't have it, and tell you what he's going to do about it, whether that's repaying you over a period of time or declaring bankruptcy or whatever.  But lying and prevaricating are another level of fishy behavior.  I would be as angry about that as about the loss of the money.

After a while of being angry, though, anger starts corroding us.  The way I see it, one thing that would help the anger is to take action in some way.  Helplessness feels especially bad.  I don't know your situation well enough to know what that might look like.  Maybe starting some kind of inquiry, maybe getting the law involved, maybe dissolving all remaining ties to this person -- you're in the best position to know what might help answer the questions that you can't get answered.

I had a friend who once made a very expensive mistake through bad judgment.  She was very calm about it and she said something that's been a lesson for me ever since.  She said, "Well, that's what we call 'tuition.'"  I had heard this expression before but it never hit home until she said it.  I know that I have repeated the same mistake over and over again until the consequences got so bad that I was forced to pay attention and work harder to change my ways.  Those consequences were tuition.  Many people pay more than $48,000 to get a college degree, and yet they still don't know enough to take care of themselves.  Maybe it would help to regard that money as your tuition?

Take what you like and leave the rest.  I hope you can take good care of yourself.