The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I've often heard the term acceptance thrown around the rooms of Al Anon. I thought I knew what acceptance was. I finally came to see it be exemplified in my own life just this past week. I finally realized that I do have acceptance. Awareness came easy, acceptance was hard, and now there's action. Action may be coming soon, or it may come years down the road. Only my Higher Power knows the outcome of these things.
So, last week my AH came home from a business trip. He brought some flowers home for me and some chocolates. He was in a very good mood and we were getting along like way back before the drinking got out of control. Our household printer is in his office and I had to print a coupon so I went in there to get it off the printer. He left his hotel bill sitting out and the first line of the bill said 'concierge service.......BEER'. My initial reaction was anger but it only lasted for about 2 minutes. I realized then that I knew he drank while he traveled so why the anger or surprise? It's futile to think he's really ready to stop when his words and actions have proven to me that he's not ready to quit anyway. I went about my morning packing for our own trip for a tennis tournament and honestly didn't give it much thought.
That was true acceptance for me. I had told him while in marriage counseling that if he continues to drink, he can move out and take his alcohol with him. But, now I realize I said those words in haste and that I'm not ready to pull the plug yet or make any major decisions. I have decided, though, that marriage counseling will not be worth the money since he's not really addressing the drinking. We are meeting with marriage counselor number 2 in 2 weeks, as the first one didn't appeal to AH(go figure). I will be explaining in that meeting how I will not continue marriage counseling until he gets help for the drinking and if he chooses to NOT do that, then our marriage will be at an impasse and that will be his choice. I am willing to work on things, but not if he keeps drinking. I think that's fair and honest and I think I finally know what acceptance really means.
Yes, I too always found awareness to be easy and then I would always jump to action.
Acceptance for me really took time and was painful I had to sit with the realization and full acknowledge it without trying to change it Then and only then could I go to action --guided by HP . Many times my Action was to pray and let go and let God.
ILD...that is a very good example of the 3 "A"s for me. Our events might have been a bit different and the application and working of the 3 "A"s were very similar. Thanks for the ESH. ((((HUGS))))
That acceptance to me goes right there with powerlessness concept .. it sounds so easy and it's more in depth than just saying sure I'm powerless over someone else .. it's truly letting go and letting God do whatever is necessary and getting out of the way.
Thanks for sharing,
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I heard it said that awareness is an intellectual process & acceptance is a spiritual one. With acceptance, I usually feel a wave of understanding come over me when I think about it. Understanding in the fact that I truly know I am powerless over it. Then I know I have accepted it. Action?.........I'll have to get back to ya on that one!
I struggled with acceptance in the beginning too. I just didn't WANT the problem of alcoholism, I wanted everything to be fine. THAT was the part I needed to accept, that I was struggling. The ACTION was more meetings for ME (at the insistence of my sponsor) and I would often take long walks with God to get quiet, all of that is what my sponsor told me was the ACTION part of the 3A's
There is a quote, "In quietness and in confidence (in Higher power) shall be your strength." I needed to quiet my mind to get my strength. God is always calling, but if He's getting a busy signal because my brain is too noisy, I am not going to hear Him. I could not do that by isolating with my own thoughts and sitting at home in a chair, I had to MOVE myself to get to a meeting, or the nature trail.
It felt very strange to just let go and "do" nothing, to take my hands off what I perceived the problem to be... him. Program taught me - if I have a problem, the problem is ME, that I have a disease of perception. Surrender to God means giving up my attachments to outcomes. That felt very weird at first, it was new behavior. Living in a crazy alcoholic home, I always had to be on my toes and ready for drama, in fact, I came to rely on it, I was wired for it...
It's all about PRACTICING surrender, every day, that's it. Daily persistence. Daily surrender to the things I cannot change. It's going to be okay, because God never goes off duty.
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 19th of September 2012 08:01:49 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
