The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I heard tonight that my AH showed up at a business meeting at 9 am on Wednesday smelling like alcohol. They go around the room and everyone says something and when it was his turn he stood up and made a sarcastic remark about a girl who was evidently dressed "unprofessionally".
I'm pretty sure his job is hanging by a thread and with this news I have to face the reality that he is going to lose it. I left him over a month ago and I have been hoping that he was keeping it together during the day even though in my gut I knew it wasn't the case.
Even though it breaks my heart to hear how far he has sank, I have detached enough from him personally that I am not devastated. I am not racked with guilt even though he is blaming it all on me, as usual. I am worried about reality/financial matters. For the past 2 years, I feel like I have been trying to dig our way out of a hole and as fast as I am digging out he is digging in. I removed my name from our credit cards last month after I paid them off. I have talked to the dealership about trading in my 2 year old car and luckily I am not "under water" and can get out of that car payment each month. I am worried about losing our health care coverage that we have through his job and how to deal with the house (he is in it and refuses to put it on the market).
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Yikes! It is just so insane. You can see how someone that wasn't "ill." Wouldn't allow themselves to become this out of control. I think you are an inspiration. You are doing such a great job, and staying so calm!! Kudos!!
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
Keep doing the next right thing, .. it IS an incredibly difficult thing to deal with you are handling it with so much grace and dignity.
For me having mine out of the house has been a God send and I am soooo grateful. It still hurts from time to time and I am continuing to heal the best I can while he continues to do his thing. It is so hard and scary to watch someone spiral while you sit and do nothing.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jobs and careers are often casualties of this awful condition. My AH lost his job - a very good one - a year ago. I knew it would happen but there was nothing I could do to stop it. You are handling this all very well by detaching. All you can do is take control of your own situation. When it was clear my AH was going to get fired, I still did a lot of the typical co-dependent things (lying to his boss, etc.) Nowadays I try not to question him about his job search anymore - he got himself in the situation. I am not 100% effective, but better than I used to be when every little crisis became my problem. Thank goodness you are not buying into the guilt he is trying to pile on you. That is their way of deflecting from the real issue -their insanity. I know how hard this. It will get better, just keep taking care of yourself.
