The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I set then in my mind when he started drinking again. No going with him to buy it, no buying it for him, no drinking with him. I never told him those boundaries, just kept them to myself. But he kinda threw me a curve ball...when he started drinking again it was the whiskey. The one think that turns him into a monster. The one thing, aside from the drugs, I could not deal with that split us up once before. So when he says to me I won't drink the whiskey just beer I was almost happy. Beer never affected him like whiskey. I let my guard down thinking it would be ok, I can deal with this. Deep down I know better, I know what's going to happen. The beer will lead back to the whiskey and we will be right back where we were. He's already drinking beer every night. He started at 3:00 today,with his kids here. But at least he's not sleeping the entire weekend they are here.
Just confused and frustrated with myself. I have to be stronger. I need to get to some meetings, but still worried about consequences I guess. Don't want to deal with him about it. Just time for me to let go and let God. Why is that so hard?
I copied this quote from someone here on this board and look at it often " Only a power Greater than myself can manage the disease of alcoholism, it was never in my power, nor was it EVER my responsibility to save or rescue anyone. No human power can relieve an alcoholic". The last sentence really frees me. I can't do anything about what the A does, but I have made some awesome choices in my life to separate myself from the A. And I only made these decisions once I really gave the problem over to my HP. I envision a big heavy book with my A's name on it. I tell my HP that it's too much for me and to please take it. I hand the book over to my HP. HP takes it. It is not a burden for him, it is so easy for him to take over and I feel so relieved. Sometimes I find myself with that book again and I have to hand it over again. It's a process of letting go so i can focus on myself. My life is the only one I'm really responsible for anyway.
Thank you, GreenerGrass for your share today! A wonderful reminder of how we are only responsible for ourselves. I always think to myself of how hard it is for me to change anything about myself. Cutting back on carbs, cutting out sugar, stop chewing on pen caps or pencils(a terrible habit I have since childhood), etc. I know how hard it is to change a deep set habit or thinking pattern. Thinking I can force someone else to change???? Not going to happen! Yet, somehow I got sucked into believing that I could influence that person, change their behavior, make them see the light. I was playing God and only frustrating myself in the process.
Jamie, it's hard to let go and let God. It takes practice. It's something you need to work on every single day. You're doing great. Have you read the book, Getting them Sober? That was really an eye opener for me. And, yes, going to meetings would be beneficial too, but I know it took me a long time to step through those doors of Al Anon, it had to get bad enough for me to reach out and get help. Hugs, Bonnie
Thank you both! I really needed to hear that this morning. GreenerGrass that is a very power statement and one I will take with me. I do believe a HP get me through this I just have to break down and hand it over. I just don't want to let go of it but I know I have to. His disease is not my burden to carry.
