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My S/O texted me and he finally said he wants to live on his own. So how I have to deal with the kids. I am very scared but alittle relieved. I have to figure things out and how I am going to do things. He has put me in so much debt. I am little angry but nothing I can do. If I don't get out I will never be happy. I know the girls aren't happy at all. Five years of hell.
He said he needs to figure things out on his own. I am not going to ask him to stay because I know in my heart. I don't want him to.
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
You'll manage it. I'm managing it. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing a great job, but it's a heck of a lot better than their dad would do. Expect to feel relief at first, then anger and resentment that he gets the freedom from responsibility that you are not going to have. You can also expect that the kids will make you the brunt of their anger as well. My four year old hit me as hard as he could last night and was screaming "I hate you!" at me over and over. Such a stark contrast to the happy-go-lucky baby and toddler he once was. Part of it is just being four. But I also know that when he screams and hits, it's not really me that he's lashing out at. I'm just the one there on the receiving end. It's really hard, and there are days when you will say that it was easier living with an alcoholic than being on your own. But the difference is that living with the alcoholic is a downward progression into even more loss and grief, and being on your own has a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm only a couple of months in to doing it on my own, and I've allowed my AH to reenter our lives already, which only brought more heartache than what we had already been through, so I have certainly made my mistakes and you will make yours. Forgive yourself already, because it's not an immediate process. This sort of closure takes time. Just take it day by day, and if you want to private message me for support/venting, that would be great, because I could use it too!
The steps helped me so much...1-3. I knew for along time before a violent incident (which gave me no choice) that things needed to change but I didnt have the strength, as said above the relief the resentment etc all need to be worked through. Be gentle with yourself. Let go let god. ((hugs))
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
At the end of my relationship with my ex-A, my finances were so upside down. Ordinarily, the saying "What goes down must come up" and vice versa will apply. When the alcoholic is still attached (like Holivex basically stated) it's more like "What goes down can and probably will continue to go down."
Hence, the good news is that your ex left you with the best part of the deal - YOU! You are the capable one and the factor that will have things going up again!
