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I have always struggled with anxiety issues. I take medication on a daily basis (small amounts) but I am starting to have panic attacks breaking through again. I had two massive attacks today while I was at work and am even starting to have what is know as night terrors again. They are nightmares that appear so real and your body reacts as if it is.
Have to share this dream with you all. I thought it was pretty profound. I dreamed that I was in a dark cellar and I started to become aware that I was locked in and couldn't see to find my way out. I started to get very claustrophobic and hyperventilate and screamed out my husband's name. I realized that he was "unavailable" and wasn't coming to help me. I was terrified and sad> When I screamed for him a second time, I evidently woke myself up and my heart was just beating out of my chest.
We had a moment today where we met up to grab a bite to eat and discuss a few things. He asked how I was doing and I told him that I was having night terrors again. I was feeling sentimental and thought I would share it with him. Then I realized he didn't even care enough to give me the opening - he was back to blabbering about himself. Just not there!!! Just like in my dream. Even my subconcious knows it. Now if only my heart would learn.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
OMG, can so relate to everything you just said. Last week I had one long panic attack that would not abate. I knew it was bad when I tried to log into my email at work and couldn't remember my log-in number. I've had the same log in for eight years, and it's the last six digits of my social security number. I called my therapist freaking out. She told me to get to the PCP immediately, because she was thinking I might have to be hospitalized (ironically at the same psychiatric hospital where my AH was sent for detox four weeks ago). I also had a very vivid dream. I dreamt that my husband and I were looking for something to do that was free. For some reason, we decided to try out this rodeo downtown at the arena. When we got there, to my horror they were letting the bulls stamped through the spectator sections. I saw this huge bull coming right at where my husband and I were sitting, and veer off at the last minute to strike some guy sitting a few rows over. Then I suddenly remembered my children- I started asking AH where they were and who was watching them. He kept saying "they're at home, asleep, they're fine. They don't even know we're gone." I started freaking out thinking about how my kids were home alone late at night and I was all the way downtown and couldn't get to them, and was begging AH to leave asap. Like you, I woke up with my heart pounding. It didn't take any Freudian analysis for me to figure out the symbolism of this dream; it's a complete metaphor for the danger, loss of control, and anxiety I feel when I'm with AH and how I know the kids are being neglected, no matter how much I beg him to get better, attend to them as their father, and my guilt at having focused so much attention on him and his addiction that I have not given them 100% of my attention.
My doctor now has me on a combination of Xoloft, Wellbutrin, a beta blocker (my blood pressure was up), and Xanax. My children have had issues with throwing up, diarrhea, and panic attacks from the stress and worry their dad has brought to him. Does he care enough to stop drinking and get better to help heal his family? No. It's the most selfish thing in the world, and that's what hurts the most.
I was gonna PM you and then ....Nah!! Dreams/Nightmares are metaphoric...they are pictures of what we are going thru...good and bad. Dark cellars, no lights, no openings, cold and lonely fearful and telling. Yes the body reacts, of course it does because in sleep the subconscious is our reality. I was shot 9 times in one night mare and when I came out of it I was ice cold with little to no pulse...my addict wife's behaviors were killing me and while in the nightmare I was freeing a victim (myself) I also handed the gun back to my killer...felt every shot...beyond nightmarish. If you get to revisit that nightmare trying feeling around the walls of the cellar/room for door jambs and latches or window pulls cause they are there and lead to lights (solutions and awarenesses) and then open the door or window just a crack to let the light in. If you are like me you will be careful because the imagination might tell you that with the light there might be dragons...I found no dragons...I found more doors. (((((hugs))))) sister nightmarer.
My wife once woke because of one of my nightmares and actually said I rose off the bed into the air (jerked) before landing on the floor. Good thing about being asleep is I didn't feel the fall!! LOL.
