The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Right Now My Husband is Going over one of the Hardest decission of His Life, and Our Lives will be Forever Changed come 2014! I'm Excited for Him, and a Little Nervous for Me, but I know that what ever or however, we will get to were we need to be! I have FAITH in My HP, So I Know I will be Lifted and Carried thru this...I know its A Little bit off, but the Planning has to come Early, and the Decission I have to Make about this Ordeal are Not Easy ones! But... It is a HUGE Step for Me, My Life, and My Future, So the Planning Must begin... ASAP :D
You know, when in this disease all my life, I have to say! It has made me Stronger! It has Helped Me Rise above the Pity things, and stay Focused on the task at hand... I Use to laugh at people when they always said... "You are one of the Strongest People I know!" Because in my Mind I never saw that in myself, I Just thought I Hid it Well :D But I have to Say, with all the Loss that I have had to Go thru, Move thru, and disheartingly Accept these last 4yrs, I do Know I have Strength, & I Do Know that HP Provides it... Not ME!
I have Really been trying to Stay True To Myself Here lately, and On top of that, Be a TRUE Person... I have been Slowly Stepping out of Judgement of Others, and turning that around to find out what is Really Buggin Me! The Steps Can Really Help in that Department... When i First Got here, I Stuck around but didn't really do the Work! Didn't Question My Own Motives, just Judged others motives... I can Spot that Now & Turn it around to find out what is Really going on in this Head of Mine! Sometimes I have to say, Im Not Proud of the thoughts, or Action I at times I take or Have Taken, but because of the Program & the Fellowship & Family I Now have, it is slowly but Surely making a Differance in My Life, and the Lives of those I hold the Dearest! HP IS GOOD!
Growin up ACOA I was Never allow my own Feelings, and alot of times sat & listened to the Adults sit in Judgement of others on a Regular basis, in order to Keep Our "Skeletons" IN the Closest! It was an Easy Habit to latch onto... I Really & Truly DISLIKE being Judged, and i'm Finally starting to see, After Being Humbled More then once! WHY! When I First Found this Ugly Characater Trait of Mine I have to say I was Very Discussed in myself, and how I have been... But then I Remembered... I'm HUMAN! I Make Mistakes just like the Next Person... It is What I Do To Change the Ugly in Me & Make it Blossom into something Wonderful... And i have to say, I'm Getting there! With the Help of the Program & My Al-Anon/ACOA Family! I'm Getting there!
I have always PUSHED Gratitude, yet Never Embraced it, I am Slowly Learning how to Embrace it! How to Whole Heartedly be Thankful for Each & Every Moment in my Life, Not just the Good stuff.. But the Bad stuff that Taught me the Lesson that HP has been Brow beatin into me! I have always been a Slow Learner, and always did better when I Could work with My Hands & Not My Mind! I have to say! Working with my Mind is Alot Tougher! But I Am Grateful... Very Much So!
I am Living Proof... That if You STAY AT IT... KEEP Working It... Even if you feel at times you are Failing... Don't Give up! and Happiness, Acceptance, Serenity, Patience, Love, ALL of It! Will Return to You Or Be RE-Newed In You! If you Keep Coming Back... And Even if the Changes are Small, They are still a Start of Something Wonderful... I Now know i'm NOT here to be abused, I'm NOT Here to be Used, I'm NOT Here to be Belittled or Feel Less then! I have Just as Big of a Right to Live Happy, Joyous & Free as the Next Person, and I will NO Longer be Binded In Shame! For HP & I Are Going Forward! One Very Wonderful Moment at a Time, at My Pace, at My Benifit, & At My Embrace!
Thankyou for that share...don't you love how you can just go on an alanon site and you ALWAYS find what you need. Your share has made my saturday evening, iv just started working the programme and starting to see my shortcomings in a new light, trying to see why i do it and i think i know why...because i feel bad, ugly, ashamed etc etc. So reading what you wrote really touched my soul. Thank you. (and my hp) :)
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
