Every time I come back here after a long absence, it is so cathartic.  I read the posts and immediately filled with a sense of "I totally forgotl...I am NOT alone in this."

My husband's alcoholism almost seems to take a track similar to bipolar disorder.  He has definite "up" and "down" cycles.  Right now, he seems to be at the end of a very short "up" cycle (two weeks of trying to cut back, help around the house, and not be a huge jerk all the time).  I can tell it's going to get bad again.  His bowling league is starting back up, which is 2 hours of enforced drinking time with his friends every week.  He drinks every day now, anyway, but the bowling league really sent me into a tailspin, because he drives home under the influence every week, justifying it to himself that it's only a mile away from home.

More and more I can feel myself coming to the end of my rope.  I am shown no respect or affection, and haven't received any in over a year.  Why on earth would I want to stay married to someone who abuses me?  Not to mention the terrible example he sets for our son, who will soon be old enough to know what is going on.

I'm not ready to walk yet.  I am counting on him being extremely volatile when I leave, and I want to have my ducks in a row first, if at all possible.  But it's coming.  I can feel it.  If he gets another DUI (actually, that feels pretty inevitable, too), the choice will be very easy to leave.  Until them, I am getting my career and finances in order, because right now they are a total shambles.  

So glad to be back, and so sorry to have been gone for so long!