"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Flamed OUT!!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Jerry,

My brother thanks for the share it's not always easy to take the next right step and yet you always manage to do just that.

Hugs P :)

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry, thank you for sharing. It's hard to go it alone and it's wonderful that you know that you need others to help you through these challenges.

It's funny, but when I saw your thread I just clicked on 'preview' and saw that you wrote something about being shot in the foot and I literally thought you shot yourself!!! Thank goodness I read the whole thing, LOL!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I have such a hard time getting out of my own way - I am much calmer and more useful when situations do not involve me. I can identify with you post in a few ways. You are so good with others. It's hard to counsel yourself and know when to pass that baton on and ask for help.

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Cher Jerry,

I have no experience with anything like what you are going through, and I just want to say that you are so precious and have given so much to this board and I am so sorry that you are in pain and going through all of this. People there must be treated the way we have treated our Native people here.

You will know how to get through this. I have faith that you'll handle it all. Wish I could wave a wand and make it all better.

Bless you,
Temple

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Hope it all gets resolved for you soon. Your recovery proved to be stronger than the ptsd. You rose above the insane feeling and got yourself to that meeting. Good choice. You're winning. Thanks for letting us know that you're doing better now and are safe. Hugs. TT

Grace7 · Senior Member

Aloha Jerry,

Sorry to hear of your experience and memories. I too had PTSD from an assault. I learned after counseling, that something I could do to help ward off the flashbacks was to wear a rubber band or hair tie around my wrist. Every time, the flashback started I was to snap the band and tell myself this was Not happening to me right then and that same experience could never happen to me again. I feared it would, that the guy who beat me would come after me or worse. I want to tell you, it took time. But, healing occured. I truly thought he was going to kill me, it was so brutal and I was being strangled during which time it became total peace while I was still having the holy crud beat out of me. I was black and blue from my waist up. For over a month I could not look at myself in the mirror or when I bathed at which time I kept my eyes closed or lookind out straight ahead. I couldn't bear to see how black and purple they were. Including my face. This occured on a home health case in which the Father of the little girl I cared for went after his wife and used me as the battering ram to beat her with. I was nothing but a rag doll since I was attacked from behind.

Today, it is ALL gone! So be encouraged my friend! I had to come to the place of acceptance, that the incident occured once I worked my way out of the shock of it. Plus the flash backs. The lessened and lessed, became further apart until it is no more. I am totally healed of all of that! I am confident Jerry, you will be too. You do what you need to in order to take care of yourself. Be patient. It will come to you, just as it did me.

I had to take the focus off of "HIM" and put it on me. I cannot answer for him, nor judge him. I sure as heck will avoid him at all costs however:) Fortunately, our paths have not crossed since. I cannot be the judge of him either. He will be accountable for his actions one day. He was charged and found guilty. I did not pursue a personal law suit. Some thought I should, at the end of the day, I was not in the emotional state to do this. I have not one regret!

When you struggle, snap that rubber band or hair tie around your wrist and engage in positive self talk. Call your sponsor, or a friend. Talk about it until you don't need to anymore.

God Speed My Friend!

Grace7

I

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Peace and enlightenment go out to you Jerry!!

Luv, Bettina

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

I always think that the words "a power greater than ourselves" can be interpreted in many ways, but Step 2 was explained to me - very early in MY recovery - by a wonderful pastor, who felt that his interpretation of this statement was the "power of we" - which we find in the rooms, on this board, and wherever people in recovery come together...

Thanks for the wonderful reminder at tribute to this notion my friend.... This stuff is too much for most of us to deal with "on our own", so we need to use the tools that are available to us.... I applaud you for who you are, and the actions you took to "right" yourself once again last night...

Aloha

Tom

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Jerry

I heard the 3 As in action here. Your awareness, acceptance and the final action of atending the meeting and posting here are powerful lessons for us all.

In my thoughts

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry being on the other side of the fence watching you, my first thought was, uh oh what did he do now? Or what did he get into. lol

Jerry I invite you to embrace that part of you that blows it! It's ok, it is part of Jerry. Actually I like a man who has such high passion. You, as you see, need to corral that energy into being positive passion.

If we can teach ourselfs to ask for HP as soon as something hits us, believe me it works. He will be right there. It reminds us to mellow out,and think, ok how do I want to handle this. For you it could be take a huge breath and be quiet. Ask for HP beside you. When those around you are doing wrong, and you fight, they control you. If you can let it play out, be quiet, be patient because you know, no matter what, HP will make it all right.

Even some kind of reminder, a bracelet we always wear, a tiny tatoo on our wrist whatever, it reminds us to instantly be with HP. '

I would say a latch on our mouth that immediatly slammed shut would be cool! lol That passion is so strong for you. It is the same passion you have for the little kids in your life, flowers, love, your work, animals, sig other and all. You have strong passion. In the instance of protecting yourself, or ourselves, I have learned to sit back and listen and watch. You know the other whoever, whatever will want to take it to the fullest bs. It is not being a wus to hold on and take care of it when you will be listened to, and you have calmed down with rational thought.

Men are born to protect take care of, be tough. We learn we have to temper that drive, make it positive as we can.

Of course you feel shaky. We would all be dumb not to. The world is soooo quickly changing into a very volital place alllll over!Morals almost mean nothing anymore, anything to get high, even doing what was done to you was a high for them. If we can stay calm in the face of powerful events, we do soooo much better. After it lulls and all things do, we can pick up the pieces and learn.

Its not as serious as what has happened to Hawaii, (makes me upset too)for me its my neighbor who hates dogs and believe he is right about everything. I can get real uncomfortable going outside. Feel watched. I did lose it more than once at him I am not proud to say. When we went to court I wanted to lash out on him so bad. But it would have been wrong. court was rescheduled...so the stress keeps up.I had five witnesses who drove all the way up here too!

Anyway you are right, having others to help us is so important. I realized my home and family were being threatened so I lashed out. I was shocked at myself!. Its a completely understandable thing to do, but I want to be in control of me and handle it with dignity. So for me I say HP's name, take a breath, ask for his help, be quiet and wait till I feel ready.

I love you Jerry just how you are. I remember so many of your shares. Its easy to see the cool guy you are. Our mistakes are part of us! YOu are a defender of some important things. I invite you to focus when you get that heated up feeling to ask HP for help immediately. Take a breath or two, whoever is the enemy at the time, its not your job to change their minds. YOu will have your time to speak. they are more apt to listen if you are rational. There is a word for this, Love.

hugs my friend,debilyn

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((Brother))))))))))))

You (Too Me) are quite a Powerful Inspiration... i have moments of Fear Telling on Myself, and yet you do it with what appears as Ease, and Acceptance, and Growth! That is One of the Many Things that Kept me on this board it the "Recovery" that is Brought Forth, that we can ALL Learn from our Own Mistakes, Take Hold of them, and then Grow & Let them Go! You are One of the Two that has ALWAYS been Availible to Me, and My Recovery, and I am Always Grateful...

I seen here in this Post, Nothing Short of More Growth! More Courage! & Alot More Self Worth! I myself fall into (Undiagnosed) PTSD at times, and usually become My own Punching Bag! And Get so Crazy withit I have to Save Myself with the Helps of All here, & My F2F Meetings...

I Currently have My Other "Rock" in the Program who is 82yrs old, Blind, Completely Independant, Lives in her OWN Home... ALONE! And this Gal, Told Me that I Inspired HER! And Just 2 Days ago, She Hopped on a Train, ALONE to travel across the US to Visit about 8 Family & Friends! The Way I See it... If "I" Could Inspire HER! Then I'm Missing Something Inside ME! I Only Shared this piece because YOU My Brother, INSPIRE ME! My Program! My Growth! Just Being Present in your Journey! I Speak of Your Wisdom, and Program Often at My Meetings, because You come up with Such Miricles at times that I'm Sure you don't even Know that Just HELP Me See things Differantly, and Help me turn the light on at times when it gets Quite Dark!

Chin UP Brother! That Part of the Trauma is Over, The Baby Steps to Come we Can Only Do One Day/Moment at a Time! And i have Know Doubt that your HP Is & Will Guide your Steps, right back to the Serene Happiness you So Desire! We All Make Mistakes, and at times Find things Tough to Handle, but as I'm Often Reminded... We are Only Human! And Your Progress you have Over Come since Nov. is Unbelievable... I'm Proud of Ya Jerry... And I"m Very Glad Your Here!

Love & Prayers Coming Your Way

Jozie

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I am coming in waaay late on this but Yea! for you, coming here to vomit that poison up. To me, your post illustrates steps 10, 11, and 12 in action, and I'm loving it, and loving that you are part of MIP.

I'm reminded of a program line about step 10, how our resentments can keep us on an "emotional jag indefinitely." And I know that so well. I do spot-check inventories weekly with my sponsor and have heard it many, many times from her, "restraint of pen and tongue." That is soooooo hard to do when I feel the need to defend myself, especially when I don't like how I am being treated, I am triggered BIG time. Since finding recovery, I feel the NEED to express how I will - and will not - be treated. I wasn't able to do that in the past.

Yesterday, I had an over-the-top reaction with the secretary of my landlord, who will not talk with me directly, and who doesn't seem to want to replace my non-working stove. Long story short, secretary raised her voice at me on the phone, and what did I do? I did the same. Only louder. So now, we have two fearful people on the planet. I noticed that I still have an inner terrorist in me and so I phoned my sponsor right afterwards and did a step 5. She pretty much disagreed that I did something "terribly wrong," just thought I needed to forgive the secretary and the landlord, buy myself an electric tabletop burner for now, and let it go. I really don't have the power to make it "right," I guess, but I will have my dinner anyway. She told me to "act as if all is well, because it is." Hopefully, they won't ask me to move out, maybe I shot myself in the foot too, I am not ready to move.

I do know this, my Higher power supplies all of my basic needs. Thank you, God, that I am able to buy myself an electric burner. I can even afford take-out, too. I can still eat. And then, I can go off to do the more important work. Like you did, Jerry.

This past week, there was a reading that really hit me in Courage to Change on the fourth step. It was about the sense of inadequacy I have felt my entire life, like I am always doing whatever I am doing, wrong. It's like an annoying static noise that constantly plays in the background of my subconscious. The reading suggests we identify the things we've been telling ourselves, and to determine whether or not those things are true. I noticed your statement, "Hawaii is not a safe or secure place..." and I wondered if that was true. ABSOLUTELY TRUE? You are not safe??

I do know this, if I believed a thought like that, I would be suffering too. That is a frightening thought. Have you suffered enough with that thought? Would it FEEL BETTER to let that thought go? For me, sometimes I cannot afford to take that "first think." The program teaches me, I have to watch my thoughts very carefully...

Please take what you like and leave the rest, I love you, my friend. You are a beautiful child of Akua (((hugs)))

-- Edited by glad lee on Saturday 15th of September 2012 08:39:03 AM

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"