The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just curious about what you all have to share about the situation of wondering when/if someone will hit their bottom. Just observing, you know- while working your al anon program. One terrible thing after another and he keeps going back to his idea of "controlled" drinking. After every consequence I'm like ....REALLY still not the bottom yet?
It's as amazing as it is disturbing to watch an alcoholic rationalize self destruction. You got to remember they're insane. I'm not the most experienced with alanon but I've got plenty of experience living with an alcoholic. Far as I can tell there's no accounting for what goes on in their heads.
What helped me alot with staying out of her way and allowing her the dignity of the consequence of her choices was detachment. I loved her and didn't allow that to cause me to hold her hand while she went over the ledge. The consequence for me for that was I enjoyed continuous personal growth in the program while she eventually hit her bottom and entered recovery in an ever dramatic and humbling way. When I'm not in control...I don't behave like I am. The bottom is somewhere out there...we don't get a map and a deadline. We get the opportunity to focus on our own recoveries...just the way it is...live on live's terms with trust in a power greater than myself. ((((hugs))))
I'm sure it's different for everyone, and only the individual can know when they've hit bottom. Who knows where my bottom will end up being? Or my AH's? It wouldn't surprise me if his ends up being a fourth DUI...his behavior sort of makes it inevitable that sooner or later he will get that fourth DUI. But aside from having a general idea of how I will handle that IF it happens, and my involvement will extend ONLY to those things that will protect our son from all of this...I'm trying depserately to stay out of it. My AH is another one of those who gets the occasional shock to the system, then spends a few weeks "weaning down" and "drinking less" because he is a "responsible drinker." It's hard not to get your hopes up when that happens.
I was thinking what Pink said, every bottom has a trapped door and that includes my own. When I think about how far down I had to go before I was even willing to go into alanon it is humbling. I can't imagine another person needing to be in that kind of pain before asking for help. I see people every week that have had to come to terms with what it means to hit their bottom knowing that they could go further down again .. it's a very humbling reminder that as far down as we think we can go it can go further.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
If it's a partner rather than a family member, one question we have to ask ourselves as they descend into chaos is, "Where is my bottom? Why am I sticking around waiting for him to reach his bottom? Only because my bottom appears to be farther down than his." That's my experience. I finally reached mine, but only after I sank lower than I ever could have predicted I would. The insanity is contagious and it affects everyone around the alcoholic. Take good care of yourself.
