The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am the partner of an alcoholic and I never thought I would be looking for help because I do the helping and I need to stop it.
My A (I've noticed that is the name your mostly using) is 'doing well' with his sponsor I think, it's hard to know whats true...but after the last 'big thing' I gave myself time to be angry, cry, rant etc and decide if I was staying after 11 years. I've come this far and to be honest I would love to see him well. I'm rambling I dont talk to anyone really, sorry. I want to ask If I go to an alanon meeting it appears I would need a sponsor to, and I would do the twelve steps, is that right or wrong.
Is it ok to feel sick and angry as often as I do because I'm having to do things that to be honest I don't want to do like alanon, I sometimes think my A would now do better without my negitive feelings as he is working hard to be positive and sober...rambling again, sorry.
I've just read alot of posts and answered my own questions, I'm struggling with what to do for the best. It feels like I have to do alot of trusting and I feel all out of trust at the minute. I think i'm doing ok one minute then if I think to much I cry...is it normal, am I normal Xx
What you are feeling and the isolation that you describe is very much a few of the symptoms of being affected by the disease of alcoholism. Recovery from this disease is a process and you can begin to feel much better if you begin to attend ala non face to face meetings, and trust that this program of recovery will help you
.
We who attend alanon understand as few others can . we too were confused, angry, fearful and lost when we enter the rooms of alanon .. Alanon suggests that we attend meetings take what we need and leave the rest and when we feel comfortable we can get a sponsor, work the steps and continue to grow.
Mostly we learn to focus on ourselves, live one day at a time, trust a Higher Power
Please check out the Face to Face meetings by looking up alanon inter group in the white pages..
Thankyou for replying...I will go to a meeting, I have been putting it off I suppose i'm scared and I don't do scared. I have tried to go before but only got as far as the top of my street then cried and went home angry. I think I thought until now that I was going to alanon to help him, I think I realise now it is for me ( I hope it helps him too).
I think I need to accept I too have a long way to go not just my a
Change is difficult, I use to struggle with that, fearing the unknown. We hold on to the familiar but unfamiliar is to scary. We feel its risky. What if I dont like the outcome. I know what I have, but what if I end up with nothing.
Just taking that first step will bring about a change and relief that you dont have to carry all the burden. Its like a weight off your shoulders.
This is your journey, not his. Your recovery is separate from his. We do come to realize that we cant do it alone. The disease is too powerful. All we have to do is listen a little, learn a new way of dealing and not going down with the alcoholic. Sobriety is a process. We dont have to be worried about their program. Their higher power will take care of them.
I hope you will go that meeting, you wont be sorry.
Al -anon is for us and our recovery after attending many meetings and get to know different people than you ask someone who you feel good about to be your sponsor. I am glad you found us at MIP. Keep coming back!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I think trusting you higher power and then, in turn, yourself is more important than trusting him. People struggle a lot with thinking they are supposed to "believe" and "trust" that their alcoholic spouses are really recovering "this time" or whatever - The trust is in something else other than them.
The 12 steps are meant to achieve freedom from whatever it is you are going for. For example, he needs AA to have freedom from alcholism. Alanon would help to be free of the resentment, anger, and all sorts of other things caused by being around the alcoholism. So you are going for you and your issues - not him. The end result (ideally) of all 12 step programs is peace of mind and serenity.
Thankyou all for replying, I think I am scared of change but mostly i'm scared of being a fool again.
If this higher power can work, right now I will take any help as although I have always been strong minded lately I feel exhausted and weepy. I used to trust my own thoughts and feelings now i'm unsure of everything whilst trying to keep a face on that shows i'm Ok, but i'm not ok anymore.
I will go to a meeting and see what happens, I hope you are all ok. Thankyou again Xx
