It was great. It was actually a Nar-Anon meeting but that's because my son is an addict. I found alanon years ago, right here, because of my AH. But the fact is I just needed a program for ME. So I believe that I should do both so that I can relate my situation best to each group. I was grateful to find a Nar-Anon meeting in our area but the thing is herione is becoming so prevelent in our area I think there will be more. Our area is rather small and rural. I do not feel alone and am kinda shocked at how many people are using and a such young ages!! It's startling.

Yesterday I NEEDED a meeting. I found it online and also took my MIL. My son is currently in rehab. However, I was contacted by his counselor and told that he is not doing the work. He is going through the motions but not doing the actual work to get better. He's late to lectures and not doing assignments given to him. I think one thing that stands out in my mind that I was told yesterday is that, "He's not invested in his recovery". Where do you go from there? I have tried detachment but I am really having a difficult time with that. It's not the same as detaching from my AH, I feel thI have at I was duped into believeing that he was really getting better. Getting a foundation to build upon. Now I see he is running a game on all of us just like when he was actively using. To be honest, it hurts. I haven't spoken to him since I was contacted by his counselor. He's tried to call and I haven't answered. I don't know what I would say so I'm not saying anything right now. I haven't even decided if I am going to visiting day or not on Saturday. I know I am going on Sunday for Family Day. We as a family need that. Whether he wants to get better or not. I've got one thing to look at positively and that is that he is still there. He could step up to the plate if wants to but if not I believe they will release him. If he is released I don't know what he will do or where he will go. That is not my decision to make it is up to him. We offered options to him but living in our houses is not one of them. He can find another place to live or go to a 3/4 way house. He keeps trying to guilt us into changing our minds by telling us that he has no options! But he does and they are his to choose from. We had to have boundaries or else we would lose our minds and he would be just fine causing chaos for us. No, not anymore.

We, as a family, have come together to support one another. It's me, my AH, his mom and dad. My MIL and AH both went to the Nar-Anon meeting. We have to take these steps to move forward with our lives. We live one street away from each other so our son has been able to be kicked out of our house and walk over to his grandparents home and live there. BUT he began using their house as he had used ours. Up until the point that his grandfather told him he needed help. Then my son tried IOP, but decided that he wanted to do in-patient. So I'm thinking he was just trying to appease us. Which it was at first but we picked up on behavior that was normal for him when he was an active user. We called him on it on Family Day. But he denied it. We came home and started looking for meetings to help us to start to heal.

Searching for my HP and knowing that HP is here and will always be here for me. I am trying to make sure that I take care of myself FIRST!! It's been difficult though. I feel as if I have invested time and money into this kid and this is what I get out of it!!! But I know I can't allow myself to think that way because he is an addict. I know it's his disease. But my heart is broken for him because I feel like he could get so much out of being clean and working his program but I have to remind myself that it is HIS recovery and I have to work mine and let him do what he will do. Past history tells me that he will buckle down NOW and try to make up what he hasn't been doing by doing it now. And that's ok, that's his choice. My choice is to be here and post to take care of me. I love my son dearly but I will not love him to death. I will not supoort that type of behavior. None of us will. We all agreed to take the steps we need to take care of ourselves. We have a lot of healing to do.

I am looking for an Alanon meeting to go to this week too. I need them to help me stay grounded. Until then I will be here looking for my Alanon family to give me support.

Thanks all,

WT