I wrote a letter about injecting heroin to the parents of an escort I fell in love with. - Al-Anon Family Group

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I wrote a letter about injecting heroin to the parents of an escort I fell in love with.

frsba · Newbie

I feel so bad it was a few months ago. I have such great guilt and feeling of betrayal to her. She has not talked to me since, I think she has been though a recovery with counselling and free of heroin but not knowing is just so heartbreaking to me not to be able to communicate with someone I spent every other day with for 7 hours at a time. I really cared for this lady. My friends say I should have got her an apartment or bought her a house and are laughing at me, this does not help me one bit. I really enjoyed her company we would spend all day together eating, talking seeing movies, concerts or shopping. I just miss her so much she makes me feel so good, she was my CURE for PAIN. Now there is no word, phone changed, no response on Facebook or email, I send a few postcards to her parents house, no reply nothing. The silence is deafening. I know her parents got the letter she told me they talked to her about heroin.

I dated her for 10 months and only saw the needle tracks for the last month. The guilt of still seeing her after finding out and not being able to confront her is great. Just a sad tragic situation.

I really think I did the correct thing, I have been though recovery and know the first thing to get away from are the dealers and druggies, I guessed with prostitution they need to stay away from there pimps and people me. I knew she would never talk to me again, even if she was still using and now that I think she is clean.

I did not think I would feel this bad, or miss her this much.

Any advice for me?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Try meeting people on equal footing. An escort is paid for a service and you will never know how much of it was due to that. Think about what you want in a partner. Are you threatened by a person who is more well rounded, might have a job, their own money, less issues? You say you "dated" 10 months. That was not dating. Why not try dating for real and look for someone with less issues, close to your age....etc. Making some assumptions here, but don't expect loving reciprocal relationships from escorts. You are a client as much as you say "something real happened."

Setting someone up to be your cure for pain also suggests the need to do work on yourself. You are coming at this far too needy if a heroin addict escort could heal all your pain. If you are lonely, get active. Try not to look for messed up marginalized folks to "help" and romanticize and then don't imagine them being able to give you something they are not equipped, capable, or willing to do.

frsba · Newbie

Yea that is all true, I am getting over the death of my wife a few years ago from bladder cancer, that is a deeper problem.

Thanks Pink

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you love and support and hope you can make it to some face to face Al-anon meetings in yoru area!

InspiredPhotography · Senior Member

Sending you love and serenity!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

What a hard, sad situation! Took a lot of courage to possibly get her on the right path, possibly losing her.

With the way she lived, we really do not know who she is. Maybe now she will get some clarity. Give her time.

She is very sick, needs space.

Yes I agree with pinkchip. I invite you to look at your needs. It is painful, what i had to do is take one day at a time and do my best. Do what i had to then do something nice for me.

I encouraged me to work hard on my animal sanctuary. Took naps, ate healthy. Cried a lot. a lot. I didn't feel like going anywhere but I made myself just get my body there. If I was just sitting at friends home, I could just sit and be quiet. Hugs meant everything to me.

It helps to do for you, what you would do for someone else in your position. What can make you feel good? Maybe go get massages at a reputable place. I do understand touch deprivation. Its a real physical pain not to be touched.

Do you go to al anon? Maybe look into people who are into what you are. I mean like groups who go hiking together, skiing, whatever your thing is. Develop you, and heal. Your wounds are still so raw.

A huge key is doing things for others. That is what truly makes us happy. volunteering at something you like is great. If you like to travel, maybe go where you can help others and enjoy a new culture.

I am very glad you landed here. I can tell you are in a lot of pain. These people really care.

Keeping it simple helps too. I mean as simple as gutting a room and doing one thing at a time to change it. If you love animals, kittens, puppies, guinea pigs whatever really will fill your heart and even make you laugh. Remember they are a life time commitment!

Sending you warm hugs and love,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha frsba and welcome to the board...you did the best you could with what you had and it seems that it came back at you negatively...it happens and I've done the very same thing myself under very similar conditions. Today I have the luxury of having been in the Al-Anon Family Groups with time and experience and practice of understanding what it was like back then, what I learned and how it is like now. What I learned was that if I contact her parents about a deep secretive issue she had and had not broken to her parents I was setting everyone up, including me for failure. I didn't get it right either then and today I would not repeat what I did back then either. I would speak with her about my concerns and then I would let it go...as in the program Let her go and Let her God take over. Nice try though...you're caring and compassionate. (((hugs))) smile

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

A bereavement group would be useful (not as a dating site but you get the idea) - This woman has so much pull over you because it all developed at a time when you were very needy. Once you grieve more and start looking around to date again from a more healed and whole standpoint, I'm betting the experience will be different.

Not do discount that your feelings for this woman would be real...Alanon can help you to process, cope, deal with how much her drug use affected you and how to let go.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. Also sorry that this escort woman is so lost and troubled.

frsba · Newbie

Yes I was looking this site up to find a local alanon meeting place, which I plan to attend, saw the forum and thought it would be a good way to air my feelings. It is very hard to see someone you care about falling apart and being pretty much helpless to offer help, and the consequences of the actions to try to help. I spent 7 to 8 hours with her every other day, that's not really something that someone can be an actress about. The time flew by like minutes not only for me. I also know if I was in her shoes I would never talk to me again either.

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