The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
The good news is that it actually sounds like he's on the fence. Embarrassed and ashamed of his drinking. This is a very stubborn disease. At least he's further along in accepting he has a problem than most. Not sure what it will take to get the final surrender to go to AA.
Have you been to alanon? I know it must be pretty terrifying to watch the person you have spent your whole adult life with deteriorating like this. There are some strong women (and men too) who can really identify with you and help you walk through this whatever happens. Also, the best thing you can do to influence recovery is to model it for another person.
My hubby has claimed that he can control his drinking on his own as well. I have sensed shame & embarrassment as well at times. Sometimes he has done a good job of controlling it. Other time, not at all. It seems to have the upper hand. I bite my tongue many times to stop myself from saying anything. He's still a person who deserves to keep his dignity. Learning how the addicted brain fails to function like a non-addicted brain is helping me. He just won't do anything concrete or meaningful to help himself. Just keeps winging it on his own. I'm really learning to take each day as it comes.
Hugs to you. Remember it is not directed on you or what you failed to give. He needs to deal with is own demons. Whatever that may be. Sometimes when we grow up we are suppose to have it altogether. We can't let anyone see that we need help. Comes from being in a very controlled enivornment and everything has to be right or else. Not allowed to make mistakes, and def not allowed to ask for help. So basically you just sucumber to your pride. Denying the right for yourself to reach out. That it is okay. Everyone needs help once in a while until they can stand on their own two feet.
Hugs to you hun. I am praying for you. Maybe this is the bottom he needs?
__________________
"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)