The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A is finally gone. It's almost two weeks now. The first week was really tough, cried my eyes out for days. The second week has been a little better. I'm still sad that things ended the way they did. I still miss the lovely, kind, generous man my A used to be. I still think of and miss the early years when things were so great. I still and always will love him. But I'm starting to think of the future, something I hadn't done much of in a long time because it was just too depressing. The past few nights I've actually slept well, another thing I hadn't done in a long time. I'm starting to lose some of the aches & pains of the last year that I'm sure were a result of constant stress. It's going to be a challenge to support myself now without exA sharing the expenses. But I have a few ideas I'm working on to generate some income. I'm lonely sometimes. But I was alone for most of the past year even when he was here. I have my animals for company and they are a huge comfort. I have friends. I have my HP. I'm going to get through this and come out better on the other side.
I am glad that you checked in and shared your heart. It is difficult and grieving takes time. Stay close to the Boards, use your alanon tools and remember the love and guidance that is surrounding you from your MIP Family
It's so weird to start seeing a future when for so long there didn't feel like there was any to see. I'm just now starting to see things as such.
I so get what you are saying about the feeling of being lonely and remembering how lonely you already were even when they were there.
You work such a lovely strong program and I admire you so much for being able to walk this journey and share the way you do.
Things will get better, the whole issue of how much stress we have lived under for so long some of it was self induced and then there is that stuff that is not ours to own. When the stress goes it goes in such a rush sometimes I have felt breathless.
Keep coming back, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It is a loss - even despite the horrors that you endured. It's like the death of a marriage (well not even like - it is). Sounds like normal grieving to me pineapple. I admire your strength in coping with this and moving on. I know it hasn't been easy.
Pineapple...such a courageous share of change which brings a lesson reminder for me on this journey called recovery. I learned that the lesson were in my past and I could use them to have a better now and future if I was allowed a future and what became important for me is the thought from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous which tells "We will not regret the past or wish to close the door on it". I take my lessons with me every where I go with gratitude to my Higher Power and the program I was led into. ((((hugs))))
You precious little pineapple lady! I am so proud of how you are handling this. I know things can be so tough.
Please be very careful and smart! So glad you have your dogs with you too.
prayers for you and your A. I hope he does feel better soon!
love,debilyn ps i just mixed some pineapple juice with strawberry juice. HUGE mistake, lol so my piggy Dickens will be loving his grain the next few mornings! (c:
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Putting HP first, always <(*@*)>
"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."
I've discovered for me. I have to mourn the ending in order to let go. Then I can get excited for whatever the future will hold. Sending you lots of hugs and support on your journey!!!