The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So i aske dsomeone to sponsor me. She told me the following week at the next meting that she has just been really busy :/ I really do not know her that well and i want to start the steps but she seems unavailbale and i feel like i am imposing if i call her. I know it may just be my insecurities but i feel more comfortable talking with another girl around my age. She is just coming back to the program after being out of it for a while and has offred to help with with step work if i want her to. She was able to tell em how to get started and what to do. Shoudl i be calling my sponsor?? I'm thinking of just talking with her to see what time she has to offer if any at all.
Good for you Ladybug! sponsorship is one of my favorite tools of recovery! I'm unable to tell by your post if you are already phoning her, or if you are not phoning at all, out of fear.
It is the sponsees job to phone their sponsors, my recovery is MY responsibility. However, sometimes sponsors are unavailable, they have "off" days too, I've had that experience too with a temporary sponsor. I stayed with her for nearly a year. In the meantime, I did NOT let recovery slide in any way because as always, my recovery is MY responsibility. so I kept going to meetings, kept phoning and meeting with others, kept reading and doing what I could.
After talking about it with my group fellowship, they told me to just pray about it, let Higher power guide me. I took the suggestion and waited for months. Today I am blessed with a wonderful sponsor who has what I want, she puts recovery first in her life, and she actively goes to meetings (I tend to trust actions not words.) My sponsor never fails to walk me right back to God when I call.
She suggested that I phone my old sponsor and thank her for what she WAS able to give to me, and it was a beautiful conversation. She did share how overwhelmed she was in her own life, and I realized, we are all having this human experience, all of us just a work in progress.
So I suggest that you pray for your sponsor, that all her needs are met. And pray for yourself, that all your needs are met, then ask Higher power to guide you and trust that it will turn out just as it should.
If and when it feels right to move on, I would carefully observe this new woman, to see that she is as committed to recovery as you are, if she is actively working it. If she is, she will consider sponsorship a gift to her OWN recovery, and will always welcome your calls. That's how it is for me, we BOTH get to grow together
(((big hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Saturday 8th of September 2012 08:49:05 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
The sponsee/sponsor connection is a mutual exchange. Both get an opportunity to work the Alanon program and learn from one another. Sponsors will have times when they are busy. Sponsees will have times when they are busy. Basically, we're talking about 2 people living life each day on life's terms. Respect and courtesy are important. Trust is essential. For me, that includes a commitment to confidentiality on the part of both people and a commitment to connect with one another regularly.
If you feel you would like the person you asked to still be your sponsor, you might ask them if it would be possible to set up a time each week to connect to work the steps with one another. To sponsor or be sponsored you need to make yourself available. This means being available to talk at other times as well not just during a prearranged weekly time. Of course everyone has times when they aren't available. It might be difficult to talk to a sponsee or to a sponsor when you are at work for instance. Other times a sponsor may not have time when you call them unexpectedly. Maybe they have an appointment and are short on time for you. My sponsor tells me that at the beginning of the conversation and listens for as long possible then suggests another time to talk some more. We agree to a time that is mutually convenient for both of us and we decide who will call the other back. Sponsor aren't supervisors and sponsees aren't their subordinates. Sponsors and sponsees can be both students and teachers of one another. I may say something that helps you and you may say something that helps me. We all come with valuable experience strength and hope to offer one another whether we're newcomers or oldtimers. Ultimately, a sponsor can share some tools that have been passed along to them for working the steps, be a good listener, be available, supportive and offer some experience strength and hope. From those offerings, a sponsee can take what they like and leave the rest because everything in Alanon is suggested only.
I asked my first sponsor years ago to be my temporary sponsor in order to see how we would be as sponsor/sponsee. We agreed to tell one another if it was not working for us. I wish you good luck in finding your sponsor! :) Keep sharing, keep coming back! TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 8th of September 2012 11:13:06 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 8th of September 2012 11:19:31 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
David One of our Long Time MIP members posted a very helpful message on the Board in 2007on this topic
I copied and pased it to this post
Hi Family,
Someone asked a question about sponsorship. A program friend gave these to me a couple of years ago and I have posted this before but thought I would again! I hope they are useful.---------David
SPONSORSHIP -What It Is and What It Isn't
Four major points in sponsorship that most Twelve Step Fellowship members will agree on:
1.The primary responsibility of sponsors is to help their sponsees work the Twelve Steps.
2.A sponsor and sponsee have an obligation to discuss their mutual expectations, objectives, and requirements, if any, regarding the sponsorship relationship before they enter into that relationship.
3.A sponsor shares his or her experience, strength, and hope with his or her sponsee rather than trying to run the sponsee's life.
4.A sponsor must never take advantage of a sponsee in any way.
WHAT DOES A SPONSOR DO?
1.A sponsor's primary responsibility is to help a sponsee work the Twelve Steps by providing explanation, guidance, and encouragement.
2.A sponsor helps us get established quickly in our Fellowship by explaining basic concepts and terminology and by introducing us to other members.
3.A sponsor is a safe person who we can learn to trust.
4.A sponsor can answer the many questions that we have as newcomers or develop as "mid-timers."
5.A sponsor can help us in the process of self-examination that the Steps require.
6.A sponsor encourages us to read the basis text of our Fellowship and other program literature and to engage in Fellowship activities and service work.
7.A sponsor can monitor our progress, confront us when it is appropriate, and generally help us stay on the recovery path.
8.A sponsor reminds us to apply Twelve Step principles in our lives.
9.A sponsor models the Twelve Step program of recovery.
10. Our sponsor is available in times of crisis.
11. A sponsor provides practice in building relationships.
WHAT A SPONSOR DOES NOT DO
1.A sponsor cannot keep us in recovery.
2.A sponsor is not our therapist. The Twelve Steps are about spiritual growth, not therapy.
3.A sponsor should not attempt to control our lives or encourage an unhealthy dependence.
4.A sponsor should not take advantage of us or exploit us in any way.
FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN CHOOSING A SPONSOR
1.Has what we want.
2.Lives in the solution.
3.Walks the talk
4.Has a sponsor
5.Emphasizes the Steps
6.Has more time in recovery that we do
7.Has worked more Steps than we have
8.Is available for telephone calls and meetings
9.Emphasizes the spiritual aspect of the program
10. Gender is the same as ours
It is a privilege to sponsor someone. And it's one of the ways we stay in recovery.
