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I need spill my guts here. So here it goes. I have always been very kind to people. I never try to put them down in any way or be rude. I go the extra mile. I give without reservation. I even give free photo shoots per month (people draw), sometimes I even just do it for free (because I know someone is really struggling and I want them to have alittle shine in their lives.
Well today I notice that few people who I choose for free photo shoot unfriended me on facebook. I spent over the half hour limit and provided gorgeous pictures. Worse part is this is a DEAF family. We are a very small community of Deaf people. My S/O wonders why I never liked socializing with Deaf! That's WHY! They are a bunch of back stabbers and they just have no regard for heart at all. No respect. Alot of people have said the same thing. Deaf people play and except everything. They use people and then discard them when they are done. How ashamed I am? Trying to bring my girls up and to show them that ALL Deaf people are not like this. There are some that are kind and they don't use. I feel like just throwing my whole career out. Forget being nice anymore. Just too bad. I get I am so happy you are Deaf, we can sign and communicate...pictures are so natural. I work my butt off to give them beautiful photos. Just the client that I did the wedding for, she wanted so much more then I was willing to give. I am tired of being used, of being SO sensitive, being so giving. Sometimes I just want to be a selfish prick! Mean. Rude! Seems like those kind of people feel nothing, and have nothing to feel sorry for.
I guess it hurts because it feels like betrayal. She never talked me or told me anything was wrong. The last time I spoke to her was if she wanted bigger prints she can let me know I will order them. She was so excited and happy about her photos. There on her FB icon I see the picture I took of her family.
What is wrong with me? I never go through this with hearing people. They are overjoyed and constant with our friendships. :( Sometimes I am so ashamed of my community.
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
I had to learn to not over give of myself, because I would later feel resentful when things did not go as I wanted in the end. This is a hard one for sure and I understand your frustration, it sounds like a boundary issue to me. I hope you are able to let go and let God with this. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Your post makes me think of a sign I have hanging in my house. It goes like this:
People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive Them Anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be Kind Anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be Honest Anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be Happy Anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do Good Anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give Your Best Anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It Was Never Between You and Them Anyway.
It was written by Mother Teresa. I guess I like it because it reminds me I can be the person I want to be, regardless of how others respond. Good or bad, in the end it's between me and HP. I'm learning to be more protective of how much of myself I give to others, while striving to always give the best of myself. I sounds to me like you have nothing to be ashamed of. {{{HUGS}}}
Thank you all for your inspirations. I told her how I felt she said she was sorry. We have smoothed things over since and everything is fine. :) Again next time I am def going to restrict myself about how much I help people. I can't feel guilty about not helping all the time. If don't feel right about doing it, I simply won't.
-- Edited by InspiredPhotography on Sunday 9th of September 2012 08:18:17 AM
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
For the past two days, I have been turning this subject over and over in my head - trying to understand why my feelings were hurt on various occasions when I did a kindness for someone.
With the sunrise this morning, came some clarity on the subject of my givings to others but I'm having a hard time putting this into words.
Looking at the motive behind the 'giving' - did I give of myself, my time, my materials, etc because I thought they were truly in need or was I really seeking acceptance, approval, validation of self-worth etc, etc. If the motivation behind my 'giving' was the latter, then the anticipated reward will inevitably let me down.
I've always been a people pleaser (surprise, surprise) so I try to remind myself that when I "give" in whatever way, it must be because I truly feel the person on the receiving end is in need of some brightness in their day and have no expectations other than knowing that I did indeed put a smile on someone's face.
Like the serenity prayer says, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."
