The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So finally, after 2 years of off and on again with my ABF, I've ended things. I've done it so many times before, however this time feels different to me. I'm ready to fight for my sanity, to not get swept up in the dysfunction of trying to make him feel better about himself in the midst of seriously destructive behavior. Many of my friends are hopeful, but suspicious, as I've announced this to them before, however I believe I'm ready. I've taken my key back, made him collect all of his things from my place, and asked him not to contact me. But I know it's not going to stay so easy. And that's why I'm here. I just realized how small my world was becoming, and how sad our relationship was. I hope and pray that he gets the help he needs, but I'm not his savior, nor should I be his protector.
For all of those that are thinking of leaving an ABF, I understand you need to do it in your own time, but taking back your life is worth it. I just need to do the work to be able to move on.
Thank you for sharing your decision and for the courage, and wisdom that your post embodies. I do hope that you are attending Alanon Face to Face meetings in your community as this is an important step in regaining your new life.
Keep taking care of yourself and please come back here
I admire your choices and follow through. I echo Betty with stressing the importance of meetings - not just because it will validate you, keep you in touch with your HP, and further your own personal growth - But also because when you make a change like this, there's a vacuum where the ex used to be. You are describing your life as having become small. That is so so so true with both being alcholic and being in a relationship with one. Hence, 12 step program directly combat this by keeping you connected to others and to a network so that you know you are part of something much larger than yourself and so you have lots of supports.
Keep working your program even though you're done with him. It furthers your growth and strengthens your resolve so that you may make smarter choices regarding new boyfriends in the future! Thanks for sharing, wishing you well and I hope you keep coming back!
Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement. I will go to a face to face meeting tomorrow in an effort to heal and growth from this. I had posted a question a few months ago asking if I should get back with him yet again, and the responses were kind, but true in their message that there is nothing I can gain in a relationship with an ABF. I now see this and want to make sure I'm doing the work to be able to move on from this. I appreciate this board and the support and common stories.
