The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am leaving my AH. He has promised to get help & never does. He just makes promises so I won't leave. We have two small children (2 & 3 years old). I can't let them keep seeing alcohol being abused this way. My grandmother, grandfather, & both aunts were alcoholics. I can't risk it for their futures. The final straw was yesterday. He was fall down drunk by 2 pm. He roared at our 3 year old so loudly that it scared me. My 3 y/o came to meand told me that daddy scared him. It broke my heart.
My mom & future BIL are driving 9.5 hours to get me & the boys this weekend. We are packing up anything I don't want destroyed. (My AH is very controlling & I wouldn't put it past him to break anything that is mine.) I have spoken to my in-laws & they know I am leaving. Luckily they know how he is & how he treats me.
I am just so tired of this ugly cycle. Every day that he is off from work he starts drinking within an hour of getting up. And the drinks he makes are at least four fingers worth of vodka.
I will be staying with my mom for at least 8 weeks & will be attending Al-Anon meetings there. I just had to get this all out because my resolve is wavering this morning, but I know that this best for me & the kids right now.
I too have been on this rollar coaster, for ten years. I decided last week that, for me, the ride was over. Find strength in yourself, I stayed with my AH too long, always believing when he said he wanted to change, I never saw the change in him - only words. I know my divorce will be UGLY but I finally came to this conclusion: I can stay with him and the ugliness in my life has no expiration date OR I can start to process of separating from him and while it may be ugly for a short time (the time it takes to divorce him) then I will have peace. Either way was going to be hard but finally leaving him means there is light at the end of the tunnel for me. Everyone has their own timetable, until I was ready to leave no one could tell me to leave, I applaud people who can live with this disease and manage, I sadly could not, partly because my husband was becoming more and more angry and aggressive with each passing week. Stay strong, stay true to what you want, we are all here for you, hugs and prayers, ts
God has a plan for you (I know this sounds religious and it's not meant that way). I'm not sure what your definition of God is, but saying that over and over "God has a better plan for me" gave me comfort in times when I felt unsure.
(((so tired))) It sounds like you've reached the point of ¨enough is enough¨ and you know that you want out. It's not easy to make that decision, but now that you have I hope you will carry through on it. Yes, you're doing what's best for you and your children. Just think of the peace you can have in your life when you don't have to worry about and deal with an active alcoholic. Sending you positive thoughts and support. Please keep us posted.
I admire your strength although I know too well the pain that has brought you here. Stay strong for your boys... your day in the sun will come. Hugs and loves to you.
When I was 12, my mom packed up me and my two siblings and left a 14 year marriage where there were always promises of change, but no actual change. We never looked back. It was a very, very good move for us and in the long run so much better than staying in turmoil and chaos indefinitely. It was hard, too. We were poor for a long time until my mom could get back on her feet financially. Because she did not have skills (she had been a stay at home mom), she went to school to get a BA and then an MA and now she works in the school system. My point is getting better was slow, but it DID get better. My dad still drinks. My dad is still in denial he has a problem. However, WE got better.
Yay, you for choosing a better life for yourself! As we say in Alanon, there are those of us who have the strength to stay and those of us who have the strength to leave. We didn't have the strength to stay, so we left.
((((HUGS)))) You are brave and your children are lucky to have you as their mom !! Stay strong and keep helping yourself and those kiddos ! Best of luck to you !!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
