What Makes Them Quit ? - Al-Anon Family Group

peacewithin · Veteran Member

What Makes Them Quit ?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Peace Within Welcome to Miracles in Progress

What makes "THem Quit" has been the topic of many, many discussions and unfortuantely it has been found that there is no direct formula. It has been suggested that alcoholics stop when their loved ones take care of themselves seriously, keeping the foucs off the alcoholic and allow the alcoholic the freedom to live his life without interferrence.

Many of us who have lived with Alcoholism in our lives have been affected by it without even realizing it ourselves. Not just in the sense of having to put up with the alcoholics behavior, but in the sense that we ourselves have become irritable and unreasonable without even knowing it. Having our own program of recovery allows us to take the focus off of the things in our lives, which we cannot control, such as the actions of others, and onto the things in our lives, which we CAN control, our actions, our thoughts, and our happiness.

You have done well in focusing on yourself and living your life. I would like to suggest that you continue to keep that focus and checkout

ala non face to face meetings in your community. Help with finding local meetings near where you live may be found at the following web site:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon

AA would also be just as beneficial to your husband

Keep coming back here and posting You are worth it.

TrudyS85 · Senior Member

I too finally hit that wall with my AH after his suicide attempt last week. I too have lived for years of no social life because he wouldn't go out, friends stopped asking us to do things because he would usually make the event a nightmare and make everyone uncomfortable so they just stopped asking and his world shrunk down to just me, I couldn't go out with my friends alone because that would bring a storm of anger on his part so I just stopped going, luckily I have a few friends left (and I mean very few) as people got frustrated with me over the years as to why I stayed with this person they saw as a jerk that treated me badly. I don't know how I am going to pick up the pieces, but I know I will. We get sucked into their insane vortex and lose ourselves, it has taken my involvement with Alanon, these message boards and my personal enlightenment to realize that I have had enough. I am 45 and I don't want to spend the rest of my life living in his world. It will be messy to get there, but then I remind myself that my life has been messy for the past 10 years, as difficult as the divorce may be at least I know there will be relief at the end of it, I couldn't say that if I was staying with him. We all get your pain and struggle, stay strong. Hugs and prayers, ts

alexmaui · Veteran Member

I guess I needed to read your post today, Peace.....My AH collapsed with withdrawal seizures twice this last week and wound up in the hospital. (He is now complaining that he lost the handful of prescriptions he had when he collapsed)...anyway for the last week he's been sober. His normal walk is back, his funny quirky way of looking at life is back...I had moved out of our home and i have had him over at my new place for dinner, twice.

The point is my hopes have begun again.....After all these years of being isolated and miserable living with him, and 2 years of AlAnon success....I still find myself getting drawn in and offering that "helpful advice" I thought I had recovered from....
My answer to you, Peace, is to keep those boundaries...for yourself.
HE will either drink-or he wont- That's not your problem. Remember:
You didn't cause it. You can't cure it. And you can't control it. It's not your fault.

Be gentle with yourself.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

No advice or suggestion just some observaton and experience from being in AA. I have heard of many folks that came to AA and it was because they were able to stop drinking but were so miserable afterwards that they needed help then.

peacewithin · Veteran Member

Thanks Everyone smile I do go to meetings and I have called on my list . That really helps.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.