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Yes, my life has changed a lot over 4 years. I can be at parties with alcohol. I can even have parties with alcohol being served. Thankfully most of our friends don't drink much. Yesterday, 2 people got wasted drunk at our party. 1 of them worse than the other. I had to go of into the bedroom to regroup because the way this person was drunk was painful for me to watch and it was too much. I had to process it later with my partner. If I see that again, I won't have this person over to our house ever again. The guy was swaying all over the place. I thought he was going to fall and crack his head. He flashed our neighbors who have small kids. It totally reminded me of watching my ex-A drink in front of friends and family and worrying so much if he would pass out, break something, or go off. I hate that people drink to the point of being that out of control....even despite that I used to be a person that did that too.
I thought about it and was gonna post about it on the AA board, but it was more of my alanon issues that made it so difficult and such an icky feeling. It was like a mini PTSD moment - blech...horrible flashbacks to trying to catch my ex-A as he would be tripping, falling, embarrassing himself, breaking things...
Sending love and support, that is a bad feeling. The kids and I were driving to school the other day and a whiskey truck swerved into our lane .. ironically .. the only thing different was the color of my stbax's truck .. gak.
The kids were horrified and upset, both of them at the same time shouted out MOM THAT GUY IS DRINKING .. me being a little slow on the go said .. ok .. my eldest popped in with MOM .. it was alcohol. We had already turned when both kids made that revelation .. I told them we need to pray for the safety of everyone around him and hopefully either he got home or a cop got him first before anyone was hurt. It was awful how I felt though .. all I could think about was my stbx driving around like that the night of his DUI and who knows how many other nights I felt like I got slimed in many ways.
I am grateful that I don't have to deal wtih that today. It's 2 years to the day that the X got his DUI. It has crossed my mind. We went to the Labor Day parade he used to march in every year. It made me sad to think why he wasn't this year .. it is what it is .. and we weren't there to see him we were there to support the unions and be very grateful for the benefits the kids and I have.
It seems like it would bring up AA issues as well, .. I know when I've seen someone loose their mind (in a codie way) I feel uncomfortable because it reminds me that's exactly where I was at a couple years ago and I never want to revisit those reactions/actions again.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Oh boy, I relate to that PTSD feeling very well. I live in beer and brat land ... the bar/person ratio is one of the worst. And this means most of the things I would like to do ... live music, gatherings of any kind and so on are held at places that serve alcohol. The event has to be pretty darn special to get me out because I seem to have one of those reverse laws of attraction and end up seated next to the person who regulary or never but by some quirk decides to get just loaded at that particular moment. I have gotten better at detaching from the worry and annoyance of other's choices or behavior. But as gross as it is, btween my exAH, experimenting college students and return to thier seat after the beer tent concert goers .... I have been vomited on so many times that being around someone obviously drunk makes me gag and wonder if I will be throwing away my shirt or shoes again. Uck those memories need to be banished.
Like you, removing myself from the situation to refocus seems to be the best option. Or worst case I can leave the event.
I like Pushka's thoughts of being uncomfortable when witnessing someone acting in a codie way. I have definitely experienced that. Especially when first practicing my tools, it was hard to be around someone overcome with worry, drama and chaos. I have more patience and practice now to accept the amped up atmosphere without taking a part of it back into me. It is hard to look into the face of who I once was though.
I'm trying to decide if I want to attend a family funeral on Sat - my Uncle passed away and family from all over the country will be attending and I do not want to be around any of them. They bicker, fight, gossip about each other, all are in denial of the family's A tendencies/child abuse, etc and I just can't see driving 6hrs just to have a PTSD flashback...does that sound selfish??
I wouldn't think one whit less of you if you decided not to give the stumbling drunk another chance to hurt himself or somebody else at your place.
Path-- Not in the least. No more than it would be selfish of you to decide not to drive 6 hours and then beat yourself over the head with a baseball bat.
Great shares.
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Temple has a great comment. Pinkchip, you said, "If I see that again, I won't have this person over to our house ever again." With that degree of alcoholism, pretty advanced, you know that guy's not going to stop, not without a lot of program. Why wait for a second time, and put yourself through that all over again? (Not to mention the kids.) My bet is that the stove is still hot, so there's no need to keep on burning yourself. Take good care of yourself!
I can relate to having PTSD moments around others drinking and being a codependent ACOA doesn't help either. I have kept my get togethers alcohol free, because I just don't want to deal with it in my home. Sending you love and support my friend!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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