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So I was prepared to have nice relaxing evening. Yes A was pissed I wouldn't allow his A friend to come A and drink in our home. So he left in mad rage to go see him 30 minutes away. Only 20 minutes later he walks back in the door. Tells me on and on that's it's our damn house and if he wants his friends over (they can drink). Then railed me and said be wants his own apartment. So he can do whatever the hell he wants. No rules. I said fine. Do what you want. Those are YOUR choices. I'm sleeping alone tonight. My girls are camping out together. I'm in my other daughter's bed What an awful night.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 2nd of September 2012 12:10:23 AM
-- Edited by InspiredPhotography on Sunday 2nd of September 2012 08:09:57 PM
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
Thanks everyone that is the true isn't it. He says he will move out and focus on himself. Yeah right. He can't be single long enough before you know it he will be back in a relationship. One addiction to another.
I know if he goes alot of feelings will be removed. Life will be far less stressful. Normalcy will finally happen.
I agree with what everyone has said. :) HUGS and thankyou for your sensitivity.
-- Edited by InspiredPhotography on Sunday 2nd of September 2012 02:57:48 PM
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"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
Sorry your night was not the way you wanted it to be. Life with my AH eventually grew to the point that there was no longer such a thing as a nice relaxing evening at home. Maybe he will get his own apartment and then you can let him go drink himself silly and have the house to yourself to chill. Can you afford to support the two separate residences?
Well, at least he didn't force the issue by having the friend over anyway to drink against your wishes. Maybe he can just go stay with his A friend. I hope your night is better this evening.
For me this kinda, sorta falls under the "Courage to Change the things I can" part of the Serenity Prayer. Sometimes its easy to see it as part of a power play and then I have to remember that I had to also turn up the power to receive in justice...that part of not getting my way but of having my value systems kept intact. One of my alcoholic/addicts also had to get his own apartment and that was helpful to us...he could be with his friends, his alcohol, his drugs and his higher power all in the same place without me interfering with his choices. Once you get into the practice of the program it gets easier. In support. ((((hugs))))
Jerry F really hit on something for me, .. when the A in my life moved out .. he took a lot of crap with him. To the point I feel so much lighter and prepared for the world than I ever thought possible. I no longer have to worry about his fines, his DUI, his stuff that he's got to deal with OR he's going to wind up in jail or worse. There are far worse things than jail believe it or not.
When he left he took all of that and guess what .. the kdis and I are doing GREAT!!!! I really enjoy our home, I'm making it more of a home for them. It's just really been a nice change of pace from the constant chaos.
What has happened in his life .. well .. it continues to go the way it's not suppose to .. these are his words .. it's a mess, it's a mess .. it's a big mess, nothing has gone the way I thought it would. I was later informed that nothing that has happened are his choices .. really? Well the woman he had the affair with, he needs to start looking at that situation as a high priced hooker because he'll pay and continue to pay for a long time to come. It's the lay that won't end. I'm still praying about that .. LOL. It was a symptom of the bigger issue big time. The continued drinking, his script meds he's taking and so on, the lying, the inability to be alone for any length of time. He just seriously has no clue the crisis he creates all on his own for himself. He's also found out I'm not the back up plan that even if living with me if better than being alone at this point it is so not happening. I don't want to be someone's better than nothing, I want to be someone's better than something .. kwim?
Well for the 2nd time in 7 months he's had to move home with his mom. He has had the money to pay for his fines and made the decision not to. He's created more situations for himself and still can't understand how he holds any responsibility. This after he's continued to post about going out on dates, drinking on his deck and so on. You know what .. I don't care .. I don't have to interfer in his choices and for the most part his decisions don't interfere with my life. Even when he tries to make it so .. it doesn't workout that way. I'm ok with that big time.
Anyway, I'm sorry that things are difficult in this moment. You did a great job of detaching they are blow hards for the most part, lots of talk without the ability to follow through. If he moves out grab onto the serenity and put that focus on you (whch is where it should be anyway) and really get yourself into your program .. it really does get better. It won't matter if he stays or goes .. you will have you and you take you wherever you go.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
What happened to me was that he was removed and a LOT of feelings came flooding in .. LOL .. so please just make sure you have a really good support system!! I only laugh because I'm laughing at myself I so thought I had it all under control. I forgot that I hadn't felt anything for so long that was actually mine and real not someone else's crisis coming at me. I don't know if that makes sense. It's the only way I know to describe it. I came here a lot and I went to f2f meetings as much as I could.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I had plenty of similar nights I can say. I do know that the boundary of the whole house being taken over was a key issue for me. I had to hold strong on it. I did too.
