Aloha and Welcome Lisann...stick around and read, read, read.  Scroll back in time on the post and you will find membership with almost the exact same story as yours with changes.  You will find out what it was like, what they learned and how they do it now.  Just keep coming back.  The program alot of us attend for family and friends of alcoholics and addicts is the Al-Anon Family Groups and no doubt they are in your area.  Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and call the hotline number for Al-Anon.  You may get a live person or you may get a recording of the times and places we get together to heal and help others heal from the consequences of the disease of addiction.  Write down the time and place and get to the first face to face meeting that you can.  It's for you and not your daughter so just go.

My eldest son was addicted, like my ex-wife to alcohol and drugs and I am grateful that I was in recovery in Al-Anon at the time.  I separated from him and one of the things that I told him was that if he chose to continue drinking and using and it took his life I would attend his funeral and when it was over...go on with my life.  There are so many ways to die in the disease of addiction and he came close a few times and then he arrested it.  It isn't about perfection...just progress and a Power Greater than myself.

Keep coming back. We're in support.  ((((hugs))))

 

Lisa,
Welcome to MIP. I am the mother of an addicted son. Detaching with love has been the hardest lesson I have had to learn here and it doesn't happen overnite.
We love our son more than anything in the world. He is a kind, funny, smart, athletic young man who has and is throwing his youth away for a chemical.
He has been in and out of jail for the better part of 3 yrs. He had a felony possession charge and now looking at felony theft. He has also OD'd more times than I can count.
He lived at home until his father and I could not watch him kill himself slowly on a daily basis. So we attempted to put him in a sober living home twice, which both times he was kicked out within 10 days. He has done 3 stints of rehab.
Reality is all these things which I would consider his bottom, would be MY bottom not his. We have no idea what another persons bottom is, can't predict it. At the moment I've no clue where my son is. He is homeless but we did give him a cell phone that he is now not answering.
My instinct as a mother is to worry myself sick waiting for that phone call or knock at the door. With the grace of this program and the people here I can pray for my Higher Powers (whom I call God) will be done. And I know wherever my son maybe God is with him and that gives me a sense of peace I never had until I started working the program.
I seriously thought there was no help for me out there that would ever let me have some sort of peace or enjoy life again until I got here. The people of alanon lifted me up, they understood what I was going thru, they supported my decisions and patiently walked me thru the steps.
It can do the same for you. Detaching does not mean you love your daughter any less. It means you allow her the dignity of making her own choices and treat her as an adult. Again it took me a long time of practice to understand this and I still slip now and again. When I feel I am slipping I know it's time for me to get to a meeting, call a fellow alanoner and get back on track.
I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I know every bit of pain you are feeling and it is so overwhelming at times we just can't even think straight. And you are right, no parent should have to watch thier child suffer like that but it happens everyday in different ways. We are just not that powerful to change any one else. Only HP can do that after the person asks.
Prayers your way
Keep coming back!
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