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Over the past few months, I guess that light finally went on that my husband was -for sure- an alcoholic. I have been trying to live in that reality and not fall victim to believing that he just likes beer- one of his many excuses. Well, a few weeks ago, he had a health thing come up- high blood pressure and he set out on a personal quest to "get in shape". For whatever reason, even if just to prove to himself that he can go without it, he has decided to "take a break" from drinking, after being a pretty heavy daily drinker for years. (this is the longest he has ever gone since I met him! (13 yrs) Well, he claims there were no side effects and that it is no big deal. He also plans to have more beer sometime soon because there is a case waiting for him that he bought. So, while I have enjoyed some of these sober days (more than the drunk ones, for sure), I still feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop and that at any moment he will start it back up again and be back to the bottle. I am praying for my God to interevne during this time so that he would see the way life could be. In the mean time, trying to figure out how to answer when he brings up how he hasn't had anything to drink and that it is no big deal. He is handling the change in lifestyle by exercising-running- instead of drinking. He is feeling pretty good about himself. I am still dealing with many of the typical A patterns. Why can't I remember- you can't get blood from a turnip? I am still working on getting me healthy. I am trying to focus on things I can do that he doesn't impact. It's his problem and he has to be the one to fix it! I am starting a 12 step soon w/CR. I hope that helps. I need to stay out of the crazy cycle! Anyone else experience these sober stretches while not in recovery?
Yes. For over ten years, my husband was on that cycle. He would stop drinking completely, then it would be just a few drinks at a party or something like that, then it would be 'just on weekends', and before too much longer, it would be a full on binge. Or at least that's the way it would appear to me. He was always drinking, far more than i ever realized. One thing about the alcoholics is that they are incredibly resourceful when it comes to obtaining/hiding their use. If you are feeling uncomfortable and anxious, then there is a problem that is already out of control, and he is not going to be able to just stop forever on his own. My AH has hypertension as well, and he was recently taken by ambulance to the hospital because his bp spiked to 165/126. Once he got to the ER and he sat around for a while and sobered up somewhat, it went down completely on it's own. At that point he was admitted to detox for his second time in a month. Now he's out again and STILL not going to rehab. It's good that you are starting CR. Please don't expect that he is going to quit or be able to control it on his own. The fact that he has the case of beer sitting there waiting should tell you all you need to know. You are right that you need to get healthy and strong, but it doesn't sound like it's going to happen for him just by going running every night- if that's what he is actually doing. Just be cognizant and try not to have any expectations other than the fact that he is going to drink. If you can tolerate that, great. If not, you have to do what is best and healthiest for you, and since you describe your life as 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' it doesn't sound like you are enjoying your life with him all that much. You can't pray to God to intervene. Trust me, I've tried. You can pray to God to give you strength to take care of yourself and detach from him if he's going to continue to drink. That is the only way to stay off the crazy cycle.
First of all you are not alone my sister. My husband once stayed sober for 4 years. However, when he started drinking again all hell litterally broke loose. You are sitting there waiting for the other shoe to drop. You state he has a case of beer waiting on him. How crazy does that sound when I say it. Grace, you have to find away to seperate youself from his disease of alcoholism. The problem, it is a family disease. Try and get yourself a program, it woln't hapen over night but I promise you can find peace in your life again with the help of Alanon.
I just wanted to welcome you and say that I hope you'll keep coming back to share Alanon recovery with us. If it feels right for you, maybe you'll decide to find an in person Alanon meeting too. TT
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