The material presented
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Well, my AH tried to kill himself on Tuesday and as of today has agreed to go to a 30 day in house treatment facility! I am so relieved. The psych ward told me today that when they evaluated him yesterday he started in with all his lies and manipulations and when they told him they has spoken to me and knew there was more to it than him just having a 'bad day' and that I was clear he COULD NOT COME HOME, that everything changed. For the first time he admitted he has never stopped drinking, the drugs, the lies, etc. and then he agreed to go straight from the hospital to the facility. I am not hopeful for our marriage, I think I am done but this does buy me TIME. 30 more days to get my ducks in a row, 30 days of intensive treatment for him that may help prepare him for life without me, and 30 days of peace for me. They also seem to think he has been misdiagnosed and he is indeed, bi-polar, so perhaps the right meds can now help him in this process.
I made it clear I will not drive him to the center, his parents will be doing that. I will not interact with him again until it is in a supervised setting. Thanks to my work with Alanon and all my friends here (you know me formerly as surfgirl123) I am finally setting the boundaries for myself that make me feel better than I have felt in 10 years with him. I don't know if he will get better, it doesn't matter, and I may still have an ugly divorce ahead of me but for the first time I can say I drew my line in the sand and am sticking to it. You have all been an amazing support system and I would not have gotten here without you. I don't know what it is to come, but I am a work in progress and I am alive. You are all angels on earth. Thank you. ts
The cool thing is.... you don't have to decide ANYTHING right now, regarding the future.... you can choose to just focus on yourself for awhile, as he is safely tucked away from you for the next 30 days at least.... What a wonderful feeling that can be - 30 days of not having to answer to anyone.... 30 days to be able to focus 100% on you..... Enjoy!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Please take good care of yourself. Remember to be very gentle with your self and keep the foucs on yourself, one day at a time as you take care of your own recovery.
Good news that he's choosing to be helped. No one in their right mind would do what he's tried to do to himself. Maybe someday with the help of a higher power he'll be telling his story to someone newly sober. I felt like you when my ex went into rehab. It was such a relief to lose that burden of worry to have him someplace where he would be understood and cared for. The simplest pleasures of daily living felt like exciting adventures for me. It made me realize how much of myself I had willingly given away to the disease through my own caretaking.
As far as any big decisions, you have time on your side. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
