Hugs RP,

Big giant cyber hug, if he's panicking let him and step away. I don't know what it is however there is nothing like being rejected by a reject and then wondering what was wrong with me that I am so unlovable.

That is what is NOT true though, .. YOU (and me) are very lovable and you are right it takes a tremendous amount of courage to believe that there is good in people and that everyone doesn't let me down. Some of that is soooo on me .. I create more of my broken heart than other person does.

When I have gotten into relationships in the past I tend to look at someone and think ohhh .. hmm .. that's a relationship vs ohhh .. hmmm .. maybe I need time to get to know someone and let them know me. I don't know if that makes sense or if it even applies I know for me it's very true. I rush the relationship wind up with a broken heart over someone I shouldn't have even let it get that far.

So instead of beating yourself up .. please take time to value yourself and who you are. You are MORE than a relationship. While we all want to be loved and cherished .. my picker is broken and I need time to get that straightened out put my relationship filter on and make better choices. I always have sent out mixed messages of being so independent mixed in with seriously needy!! Again that is me and of course the men I picked absolutely reacted to those things. Right now I need time to mend my relationship with the God of my understanding, get my feet firmly planted in reality of who I am, and let go of the expectations of who the God of my understanding has planned for me to meet if anyone. If it really is no one then it's just going to have to be that way .. I would rather value me than be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.

I don't know if that makes sense or not, however I SOOOOO empathize with what you have shared and it IS courageous to put your heart and words out there for everyone to read. Thanks for sharing.

Hugs P :)

I understand in ways that would boggle the mind and I was called a "great friend and wonderful person" (I actually have it in writing that I am .. so nice to get some credit (please read the sarcasm in that .. LOL)). It hit me like a ton of bricks that OMGosh .. this is SOOOO ABOUT HIM .. not me .. yes I'm not perfect however I'm his great friend?? REALLY??!! Because 7 weeks of starving your children and me out makes him my friend?! WOW .. with a "great friend" like him I think I'd rather be friends with my worst enemy than him. I deserve not only so much more from all of my relationships I value the people in my life, there is honesty and openness in my relationships. Guess what .. here my relationships with other people are flourishing and his are dying. Is that me? No, it's not .. it's sooo him. I let him know .. he's not my friend. My friends value me as a whole person.

Please think of it this way .. Your ExA was unhappy in the relationship. I'm not seeing YOUR NAME in that statement .. NOT your issue.

Yes the tapes SUCK .. and they go back over for so many years. It boils down to the respect and valuing me in those relationships. I absolutely let him off the hook with not respecting me .. that is my part in this. I allowed him to treat like that and not say anything .. that is so NOT ok .. especially now .. I think he's kind of gotten that message.

I am the writer of my tapes and when those tapes play I get to step back and say .. I know that is not true about me. THEN is the best time to get in front of that mirror and tell your reflection who you are not what you think you are. How many times does it take to change a pattern? A LOT of rewiring .. it is a slow process and that's ok .. enjoy the process.

I'm feeling much better than I was a few days ago .. it gets better each go around. You keep coming back because that's what I have to do as well. Ohhh yes and the step work .. ohhhh the joys of the step work .. I'm fighting myself on my 4th at the moment. :)

Hugs P :)

I would love someone just to come in and take care of me. ON every level. Some days it would be nice to be extremely selfish like our As. LOL. Atleast I get my needs met! I can't offer you any advice on the dating thing but stay true to yourself, don't settle for second best. You are worth more then that. Hugs.

I staid in my marriage in part because I hated the thought of dating again. I was way too far in the future. Every time I hear the term rejected by a reject I have to laugh at myself. I thought the same thing before I heard the term. It's so fitting and yet so wrong!! I still have not attempted to date. If they back off, it's a sign that there not ready and we don't want to force or control anything. Just because they are not an A does not mean they don't have other issues. It's scary and give yourself credit for trying and getting out there. The healthier and stronger we are the easier will will see their shortcomings and be able to protect ourselves. Hoping you will find someone special!!