The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The amount a person drinks is not a true measure of their alcoholism. It is what alcohol does to them that is the measure.
How their drinking affects US is WHY we Need Alanon. If we are unable to keep the focus on ourselves and take constructive actions for our peace of mind and if we are filled with anger, resentment self pity and fear then alanon is for us.
Here is a questionaire that AA developed for the drinker -to help them determine if they have a problem
IS A.A. FOR YOU?
Only you can decide whether you want to give A.A.a try whether you think it can help you.
We who are in A.A. came because we finally gave up trying to control our drinking. We still hated to admit that we could never drink safely. Then we heard from other A.A. members that we were sick. (We thought so for years!) We found out that many people suffered from the same feelings of guilt and loneliness and hopelessness that we did. We found out that we had these feelings because we had the disease of alcoholism. We decided to try and face up to what alcohol had done to us. Here are some of the questions we tried to answer honestly. If we answered YES to four or more questions, we were in deep trouble with our drinking. See how you do. Remember, there is no disgrace in facing up to the fact that you have a problem.
Answer YES or NO to the following questions.
1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days? Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)
Yes No
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do? In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.
Yes No
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk? We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.
Yes No
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year? Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."
Yes No
5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble? At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.
Yes No
6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year? Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.
Yes No
7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home? Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.
Yes No
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough? Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.
Yes No
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to? Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.
Yes No
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking? Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.
Yes No
11 - Do you have "blackouts"? A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.
Yes No
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink? Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yes No
Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves the hard way. But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped drinking ourselves. Just call. A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without drinking "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first drink." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of alcohol, we found that life became much more manageable.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions.
A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes.
Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
my exA drank mostly brandy. I never really knew how much because he always denied drinking, and hid most of his drinking from me. even today, he hides brandy in 16 oz soda bottles so others will think he is drinking soda.
the real question is, no matter how much hubby drinks -- it is affecting you...so welcome to the board...you are among people who have lived this...
My AH's drink of choice is beer. But, he used to hide hard alcohol in his office or wherever he could find a place for it. He seems to prefer Irish Whiskey but I've found gin and vodka frequently too. It's much easier to hide bottles of liquor than it is to hide a 6 pack, believe me he tried, LOL!
I don't think it really matters what they drink or don't drink. Nor does it really matter how much they drink or how often. My AH is a binge drinker and can go weeks without taking a sip. He can even control his drinking at times and seems to be fully knowledgable as to how much he's consuming. Yet, I still have a problem with it because when he goes overboard he goes through blackouts, can't be woken up, and has gotten a DUI which is all very scary to myself and our son. His drinking became a problem for ME and I chose to go to Al Anon to try to see what part I'm playing and to see how I can help MYSELF.
Have you tried face to face Al Anon meetings? I truly believe the meetings and my sponsor have given me clarity of thought and patience to trust my Higher Power in my life.
The only thing I would add to Hotrod's quiz is just my personal experience: Before I was ready to get help, I would have answered yes to 3 or 4 of those questions. Now I would say that I met a "yes" answer to 11 of the 12. A practicing alcoholic will minimize and deny a problem until they are ready to admit it.
For me - I am not with the person who I would consider my alanon qualifier any longer. Last I heard from him, he wanted 20 dollars from me and I didn't even call back. He drank a ton but ours was a relationship where I drank just as much if not more so.....
HOw much or what we drink is not a true indicator of 'alcoholism'. It may however indicate that a person drinks at levels that are of a high risk to health.
I drink. I drink most days of the week. Some weeks I won't drink at all. Some days I will have one drink, some days I will have a bottle of wine. I do not have an addiction to alcohol. I don't drink at levels that are consistently at a high risk to my health. I used to, but I changed.
My husband drinks. He drinks every day of the week and it is rare that he doesn't drink at least 1/4 of a bottle of spirits a night, and maybe a couple of beers after work to add to that. If he has no alcohol he has a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. If we are out where there is no alcohol or it is expensive, he goes without. It does not bother him at all.
My husband is an addict. He may be addicted to alcohol I am not sure. He is certainly drinking in levels harmful to his health. His personality and behaviour is not negatively effected by alcohol in MY opinion. His personality doesn't change. I see no addictive qualities to the alcohol except for drinking in high amounts. He is a heavy drinker.
My husband is addicted to cannabis. When it is there I see a change in his eyes. A change in the way he relates to me. NOt just intoxication, his entire attitude changes and he himself admits he is a pot pig. His demeanour in life in different if it isaround, changes and he is negative and just a pain to be around. I may as well not exist to him. He wants it, he salivates for it, he craves it. Currently he doesn't have any real pot in the house, just herbal stuff. He has smoked only once every few months and only the 'real stuff' a few times this year. He has no intention of quitting. He has just had a break for whatever reason he deemed.
We are going to Amsterdam in a number of weeks for a weekend (UK tour). I know full well I will have the addict with me. I can't control any of that and there is other things in Amsterdam I am interested in which I will be seeing. My husband says he will only be using pot in the evening and won't be stoned the whole time we are there. I have a different belief. I am avoiding expectations. I will see what happens, but I know once we get there, the addict will come out to play and I am just going to let him play. I have my plans for what I want to do. Would be nice if my husband does come with me and leave the addict at home, but that aint gonna happen.
His drinking doesn't bother me in the same way his pot use does. I am fully aware he is substituting one drug for another. I see his addictive nature and I hate the pot smoking person. The drinker is ok in MY opinion.
I am not sure I am explaining myself very well.
I am here because I AM BOTHERED by his addiction to pot. I don't care if he is or not. I am watching him when he drinks to see if the current status quo remains.
