The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, after finding the empty bottles last Monday my AH developed 'heartburn' and 8 days later and he is having intense pain in his esphogaus. We went to the ER on Sat and they said it wasn't his heart so sent us on our way to go see an internal doc. Well, if he was sour and negative before now it is just ridiculous. He keeps saying he 'wants to just die' and now is justifying his poor treatment of me on 'I don't feel good, what do you expect from me'? Just nonsense. What is the irony that instead of killing him, or making him more grateful to me for attending to him, he is just meaner and angrier. What kind of cosmic joke is God playing on me? I see it every day where good people die too young, kind people, loving people, people who will be sorely missed from this earth and yet my negative, hateful husband just keeps going. Sometimes I think my HP is just having a good time at my expense, it goes from worse to worse, I get no relief. Sorry everyone, just having a very low day.
I hear you and UNDERSTAND. I HAVE FELT VERY MUCH THE SAME AT TIMES. I now know that life must be lived going forward and understood in retrospect. I needed to develop new tools to live by so My Higher Power put me in difficult circumstances so that I could develop each of these these new tools.
It was hard and at times I felt abandoned . Thank God for alanon It was in the rooms of this powerful program that I learned how to truly listen, have patience, true compassion, and to take care of myself. and Trust my Higher Power. . Once these lessons were learned HP presented new lessons. I know I will never stop learning how to live.
It's ok for you to live YOUR life and let him live his. I needed to hear this and I still do. He's going to be negative, depressed, and angry; what are you going to do for you? One thing I've learned through this program; it's hard enough to change ourselves, we aren't responsible for changing others.
Al Anon has given me the tools I need to focus on ME and to do what's right for my son and I. I pray daily for God to guide me in knowing how to proceed in my marriage from here on out!
I can relate to the part of your share were you feel undervalued by your partner, I felt the need for my partner to show how grateful he was for all that I was giving. Then as time has gone on and his illness has progressed I have become more and more aware of what they mean when they say going to the hardware store for bread. while drinking he is really mentall ill to expect rational behavior is nmadness. he can not be grateful he is in so much madness, pain, self pity etc all the facets of this disease. Today I have stepped right back and I am really focusing on meetng my own needs and leaving him to feel hi own pain this way I am not as resentful.
it is so hard lving with this and oe of the ways it affects us is anger and resentment. My mind can becoe a very dark place this is how the disease gets me it wins every time,
Glad you came on here to vent and get it all out of your head, you are not alone we all struggle together. As for Hp sometimes I thing WHY WHY WHY?
But more and more as I see why why why aftrwards I am beginning to trust.
Keep coming back it works if you work it and you are worth it
