The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am trying to deal with so many emotions right now. I have to give this situation to my HP every couple of minutes... the thoughts are haunting me at times, the what if and if onlys... I know I can't control or change anything. I am not helpless, but I am powerless.
My 3 yo daughter made the disclosure to the forensic investigator earlier this week... now I have to wait on the detective and just be paitent...
In the mean time, I know my daughter and I will be okay and get through this. We have our God who is taking care of us. She will go through counseling and we will be able to get all the help we need and want. But I feel sorry for my STBXAH. I have so many mixed emotions towards him its crazy! He is an alcoholic and I believe he was drunk when he did what he did. He doesn't want to be an alcoholic but he never could stop loving alcohol. I hope that he can find peace one day and make peace with his maker and find forgiveness for himself. But I also want him to rot in a prison cell. I look for his name in the obituaries every day hoping he is dead. My little girl asks about him whenever she see anything that reminds her of him because she loved him. She adored him. And I believe he loved her too. It's hearbreaking. This is so terrible a thing to have happened. I know I couldn't have known. I never left her with him while he was drinking... at least I didn't think I was. His mother told me that I never should have left her alone with him, ever and implied it was my fault this happened and that I should have known better. HOW!? How should I have known better!? Ugh...
However, through all of this, I have been practicing putting "First Things First". I have been eating, even though I don't want to. I make dinner every night for my kids and we sit down and eat as a family, just like before finding out about all of this. I force myself to at least eat a little bit. I have been making myself go to bed on time so I don't sit up and worry all night long and so I'm well rested for the next day. I have been making sure everyone is bathed. I went the grocery store for cat food when I ran out, even though I just wanted to vegitate and be depressed. It's been hard but not as hard as I thought it would be. Sometimes I am just going through the motions to get through, but I am still going through the motions... and I know that my family is being taken care of. I am being the best mom I can and to do that, I have to have energy and I have to eat and sleep just like before... Today's reading in C2C really hit home for me.
And... I pass... :)
__________________
Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
Don't be mad at his mother........She is just covering for an Alcoholic probably the way she has for their whole life. My X's mother is like that......it aggravates me because she covers for all of the POS in her family which includes everyone but her. You never did ask for anyone to abuse your daughter, You never would as a responsible parent. Now you have to do everything in your power to make things right and protect her. These are the hard decisions that I sometimes face myself and they are ones I don't want to make but I have also cut people out of my life who did not have our best interest in mind. big huggs
You were put in one of the worst positions the disease can manifest and made the right choice to stand by your child. Worry about yourself and your child and let HP take care of him. If this does not bring him to his knees and ask for help, I don't know what will. My niece was abused by her step-father and he was always drunk and did not remember according to him. Came to find out that at least three other grown women in the family had been abused by him and it was all a dirty secret and they all lived there in the site of him until they were adults. They are all drug addicts today from living in that abuse and never telling and getting help. You did the right thing!!!
My daughter shared with me recently that she was molested by my nephew when they were young - I was totally shocked; not that he would do something like this cause he is a scumbag but that I did not know what was happening. After she shared this with me, I began to put 2 and 2 together and it all made sense considering the behaviour problems she began to exhibit around that time. I shared this with my son one day and found it disturbing when he kept asking if she had given any specifics on the abuse. As we got further into the conversation, he started fighting back the tears and shared that this same cousin had done the same thing to him during the same time. He kept saying that it was probably just boys being boys but if talking about the incident 29 yrs later can bring a 42yo man to tears then it was a major issue.
I don't feel any guilt for not knowing like I hear a lot of parents express. I do feel some guilt that I wasn't close enough to my children at the time that they would confide in me. At that time, we were basically homeless, living in my sister garage - I had so much stress on me that just getting thru the day was all I could muster.
But I gotta say that this nephew better never darken to my door. Sometimes I wish he would but then I'd be looking for bail money!! My daughter had email/facebook conversations with my sister and tried to broach the subject looking for some validation/closure and of course my sister blew her off. My sis was molested by our A father and stuffed the feelings for 50yrs. She has refused to discuss her own abuse - only says that she has dealt with it by moving on...yeah, right. She is a drug addict...surprise, surprise.
.....and we wonder why alcoholism & drug abuse is so rampant in our society today......duh!!
-- Edited by Path to Serenity on Saturday 25th of August 2012 10:25:40 PM
hmmm... I guess I'm losing it... I was referring to August 16th reading in C2C... Oops.
Thanks for everyone's ESH! She started couseling yesterday but I think I may need to get some help too. I'm having a hard time not obsessing about this.. Ugh...
__________________
Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
