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ive closed the doors agin toward my sister for how can i find forgiveness in my heart for what she done to her 13 y/o daughter ,my neice out on the feild the otherday ,theres no justifying takeing a 13y/o by the ear and twisting it till the lttle girl hollered out ouch and then hollering out for her 13 y/o to get off the feild ,in front of her daughters cheer team and before it was over while they were still cheering and the kids familys saw it all too,and they know it was my sisters 1st time ever to be at her daughters cheering.i cant seem to find forgiveness i have shut her out of my life i have little or nothing to say to my sis.i did tell her how i felt about it all and she just said she had it comeing that she had to teach her a lesson.i dunno it was all traumatizeing to me.i dunno if im just over dramatizeing it all or am i right or is my sis. right i dunno .im been praying ots about it to get peace with it all and try my best to get back into my sisters life agin for the sake of my neices for now i see how much they do need me and just how sick my sister is and lots of other things she has done to her 13 and 15 y/o beautiful daughters she has,how can this kind of abuse be justified and will i ever be able to get past it enough to get back in their lives agin before my sis. really ends up hurting them for sure.need esh here plz.....silent,what should i doooo????
This is very difficult and I can understand your concern. Knowing we are powerless over others, I believe it is important to keep the door open to your nieces and let them know you care and will be there. I would suggest that they can get help from school councilors and if needed they can come to you. If your sister is indeed damaging them DCS should be contacted.
Not trying to sound trite here, but in all honesty, our program encourages us to seek help, when our "lives become unmanageable".... Your sister, your ex, etc - are all "unmanageable", so it is time for you to choose recovery - for YOU.
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Your nieces will have to have their own relationship with their mother, whatever that is. You can't fix it for them or for her.
The only thing you can change is yourself.
It is hard, I know, to turn toward yourself instead of the pain that you see, but that is all we can do. If the pain is too great to watch, create some distance for yourself.
A friend told me once: If you change one thing, just one thing, other things will change. Change yourself. Work your program. There is peace, serenity and hope there.
I had a similiar situation with my sis and nephew. I did call child protective services but they didn't feel the situation warranted any action on their part...grrr. So I pulled my nephew aside and told him that if he needed me, I'd be there for him. That was all I could do other than turn it over to my HP.
You know I grew up in a abusive family there was physical abuse and a lot of emotional abuse. You may feel helpless but the fact you can tell the truth around your nieces is a formidable help to them. Those people who told me that my family were really abusive were the ones who kept me alive emotionally. They were the only support system I had. As difficult as it is to keep in touch with that family keep the door open for your nieces emotionally and let them know you have their back. I don't know that forgiveness is a mandated event for anyone. My family were very very abusive. My two sisters live, eat and sleep denial. In therapy I got a lot of help about how I felt about them. I also have had help in doing a 5th step. What I can tell you is that as I have evolved over time my view of my sisters and my family has changed. That doesn't mean the door is open for them to abuse me. I can see why they are like they are and how their childhood set them up to be like that. I don't know what your sisters background is but generally someone doesn't become abusive overnight they are that way for a long while before they have children.
