The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone my ah just called to tell me he is stopping in the bar on the way home from work and hell be home by 8.i do appreciate the call because usually hell just not answer the phone so that is progress but I still feel very nervous is he going to drink alot tonight? What if he meets someone (my own issue because my dad always cheated on my mom)? My thoughts become obsessive we've talked about the cheating he says that's my issue he's not looking to cheat he's looking to bs with his friends we've been married 28 years and he was sober for 19 of them . It's just so hard to think of something else while he's out there any advice
Get the book Getting them Sober. I think it has some great sage advice on what to expect from an active alcoholic. They are going to be an alcoholic that's what to expect from them.
In addition start working on yourself with all the time you have previously been obsessing, waiting and wondering about him. Learn who you are, learn new coping skills. Give Al anon a shot, go to meetings, get literature. Take time to learn to detach and take care of yourself.
If he was sober for 19 years then he knows how to get there again, he's just not ready. Mine used to call me from the bars too. I felt like he was testing me too see how much I would take. They say we are not suppose to nag or complain which is hard to do. When we interfere it takes longer for them to get help. Which is very scary when your waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is also an Alanon booklet that is very helpful A GUIDE FOR THE FAMILY OF AN ALCOHOLIC. You can get it on their website or they have it at the Alanon meetings.
I've got most of the books I keep rereading them and I've been going to alanon for over a year just can't get the detaching part I think I've got it but then I act in the same old way and it gets me down .thanks for all your support it really helps
Don't beat yourself up. It's hard to do and a lot of spouses choose not to even try it. It didn't work well for me since he was a hot head. try to remember what brought you guys to his sobriety the last time. Something worked.
Hi well he came home on time and started telling me about how he missed having all these friends in sobriety and this is what he's been missing .Well my program kicked in and I just looked at him and saw his disease we had a fabulous life when he was sober and we raised two beautiful daughters in a healthy happy home. It just hit me how sick he his and I actually felt compassion for him because his thoughts are such a mess.Im just going to keep reading and posting and hope for the best because I have to let go I have no choice I can't battle this attitude thanks for listening to my rambling but posting really helps I wish I started posting sooner .
