Aloha Jersey and welcome to the board...Congradulations on the sober time...since you are also affected by someone elses drinking you are qualified for Al-Anon Family Group meetings/program also.  There are lots of doubles in recovery...I'm a double also...participating member of both rooms keeping the traditions in highest regard.   You might have to feel bad about making changes however if you cave into the feeling then the behavior gets non-supportive.  I learned to do what was best for me and turn the outcomes over to my HP...I think you've heard that one before in the other room also.  You've got legitimate concerns and justifications for what you have done and he is now occupying without permission and without a plan to fix himself.  Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourself, his self, your self would restore us to sanity.  Often times those higher powers wear uniforms...some of them listen to our stories and write TROs for our protection and relief.  This means you might have to feel bad again because it's a new solution which you might not have done before.  Doing something new gets different outcomes than what you're getting now.   If you have a sponsor...call your sponsor also.  Also go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area and find out when and where we get together and have a chair waiting for you.  Often the solutions are not about right...they are about different...better rather than best or perfect.  Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?  I love that question.  Try it out and I hope others will come forward with their ESH also.   Keep coming back ((((hugs))))

I think he is an adult.  When I left the ex A a few years ago he ended up homeless (not that I was exactly living in a mansion myself).  He was fantastic about appearing helpless, needy and had a whole bunch of promises. Being early in recovery (like about a decade lol!) I of course got sucked in and gave him money (he was spending all his on drugs) found him a place to live and supported him for like 3 months.  During those 3 months he lied, stole, lied and acted like he couldn't take care of himself at all why in the meantime he went on regular drug binges.  His tales of how he was suffering were really lurid, walking 10 miles to the welfar office (funnily enough there wasn't a story of how he got back!), how he was starving, not having medication, had no ...long long list of things.  The issue was I wasn't exactly living pretty wonderfully myself and all his passive and active demands were really alluring to some part of me that wanted to feel I was a compassionate kind, caring human being.  Indeed I was to everyone else but me!!!

One day, thanks to the support of this group who actively challenged me on that I was not responsible for him, I stopped answering the phone to all the demands, the I need......blah blah blah.  I took the phone off and didn't answer it.  Then I started to negotiate how I needed to end the relationship and take care of me. When his friends called to let me know the latest crisis I didn't rush out to fix everything I said I was not available.  I would never have been able to do any of that without the support of so many people on this board.  They told me I deserved better, they told me I had a right to take care of me and I believed them.

You have a right to shut the curtains, turn off the phone and stop looking at his attempt to manipulate you.  If he has no friends, no money, no whatever how did he get the money for drugs/drinking he had to have had some kind of action to get them.  They didn't just rain in from heaven.  He can use that same motivation to get himself off the sidewalk and get food, shelter and help for himself.

Maresie.