The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
we talk everyday onthe phone,at nite he calls me while he is drinking ,this is when i thank my lucky stars that i dont have to be around that anymore his drinking, missing him is just part of it,i know this will also pass,i know i can get through this,its just soo sad that as good and skilled a man he is that he chooses to stay in it with his useing,its like he enjoys liveing his life stuck in one way ,drinking and useing,getting up feeling like crap from hangovers,at age 50,what a life that is,hanging with drunks everynite same ole things over and over nothing never changes,just soo happy that i know theres more to life than that and thats what i seek after the goodly things inlife where true and everlasting happiness comes from.....hugs silent,,,,,yes im hurting bad inside i just want to go somewhere and scream and cry my eyes out. thanks agin for listening silent
Glad you came hee and shared you pain I understand how very difficult this is for you and would like to urge you to be very gentle with yourself. Live one moment at a time, pray, do not project . Try making a list of all the things in your life that make you happy and that give you a good feeling. Then please bring that list here each day.
Take good care of yourself and family. and remember to check out alanon meetings and your church group
Sweety how honest from your soul. I would just love to hear and see your complaint as a national commercial along with others I have read here. We know that there is no reality in the slogan "drink responsibly" when married to or in a relationship with an alcoholic. Prayers. ((((hugs))))
I read that the fastest way to kill/heal a relationship is no communication. I've been trying this and there are good and bad days. I get the worst when I start looking to far ahead and get nervous about my future. I started getting up everyday and naming things I am grateful for and tell myself if I think about the past today it will ruin today. It does help. Even non-alcoholic relationships go thru a mourning faze when they don't work out and I look at articles on How to get over your ex. Sorry your so blue. It will get better.
I think one of the most important things I have learned is the issue of agreeing to disagree with people. If someone thinks there life is fine drinking, not doing anything but stay in the moment I can agree to disagree with them. The issue I had primarily with the ex A wasn't all about his alcoholism it was my obsession to control him. I knew exactly what he needed, what he should be working towards, what his health issues were, what clothes he needed, what friends he needed and more. When I started to learn to detach I put the focus entirely on me. I stopped calibrating what he was doing, where he was, what friends he was with, whether he went to his mothers for a holiday. I think that "switch" was one of the hardest I had made in my entire life. Taking the focus entirely off him and putting it on me was so essential. Of course since I lived with him I was certainly aware of what he was doing and not everything got switched off. These days if I am talking to anyone on a daily basis they are a pretty important part of my life. I have really had to take a daily inventory on whether that relationship is working for me what direction I should take it in and really keep being honest with myself about what I was doing and how I was doing it. That level of honesty is a really tall order. I have spent my entire life around people who didn't meet my needs, banging my head against the wall that they were alcoholic, dysfunctional and not able to meet my needs. Meeting my own needs was not possible for me. These days the level of accountability for my life is firmly on my shoulders. If I am talking to someone every day and the relationship is working I have a lot of choices to make, decrease the number of calls, get help examining what role they have in my life, look at how that relationship makes me feel, learn ways to take care of myself and more. These days it isn't all about what they are doing it is about what am I doing, how am I feeling and what are my choices.
Everyone has choices I think my main problem most of my life was that I didn't like my choices so I put the entire responsibility for taking care of my needs off on someone else and when they failed (repeatedly) I was adamant that it wasn't my fault on any level.
